The past two days have been sad and quiet. I have not gone outside at all. I have snuck down to the lobby a couple of times to get mail but other than that, I haven't left my apartment. I have tried to keep busy inside but there isn't anything to do. I am going mad with claustrophobia. But my mind won't allow me to leave my unit. I don't want to see or talk to anyone so I isolate.
The table that was Maggie's "home" when she was with still alive and with me, I got back. Debra had it in storage. It was one of a handful of things I was lucky enough to get back. I had Maggies little cardboard house on it ~ which she loved ~ and in her last years she rarely came out of. It was her safe place. If I wanted to check on her,... I always looked on that table. Because she was so old and rickety in the end I had to devise a makeshift ladder for her so she could get up there. Everything about that table says "Maggie". And now she's gone and I have to look at this empty table everyday. It breaks my heart. Tonight, I broke down. I just miss her so much my heart aches,... I would give anything to have my little Maggie back,...
My life has completely fallen apart. I am sitting here crying. My heart aches with grief for Maggie and everything else that I have lost. I just can't find my footing back,...
I sit in the dark now. Watching tv. I miss Maggie. I miss my old life.
I can't believe how much pain I am carrying right now,... I just can't bear it anymore,...
Maggie was the only thing that loved me,....
I just can't go on.
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