I don't feel safe living here

I have just come upstairs from getting my mail. I rarely leave my unit now but I was out in the hall and happened to see the mail truck leave so grabbed my keys and went down to the lobby. I hadn't even gotten off of the elevator when i heard the screaming. We have a resident on the first floor who is always screaming. An alcoholic who lives in his own world where he is being threatened at all times. Therefore,... he is combative and raging. I just ran into his neighbour who is fed up. She has two children - one being severly disabled. noise and drama causes this child to have siezures. She was saying that this other neighbours screaming and drama has caused her child to have seizures. She has complained to housing numerous times but nothing gets done.

I am so tired of the disruptive tenants in this building getting away with being assholes. I have talked about this before. This building has some lovely people in it. Infact I would say most of the tenants in this building are nice people. But there is a handful that make it horrible for the rest of us. I know of two women who never leave their unit due to these other annoying tennants. I have no idea why housing cannot do anything about them but from what I have heard - with our laws their hands are tied. These tenants seem to know the laws and keep housing at bay. It took four years to get Stephen removed. And this person I am talking about today is just like most of the other folk that cause problems. And from what I can observe having lived in Ontario Housing for 9 year is,... our system is broken and therefore the people in society that need the most support and help (mentally and financially) dont' get it. And they end up here,... with no family and no help. So they are left here to rot. Most are harmless if not victims of the system such as myself. Just folk who slipped down into poverty and the system over the years,... But some,... like Stephen and a ahndful of others here need much more help than they are getting. They don't have the capacity to take care of themselves properly but theres noone to help,... the begger I talk about? A young woman who is not mentally capable of budgeting and therfore does not understand money at all. She needs someone to control her budget but there is noone so she never has money and just runs around begging. is that her fault? Not really,...

The alcoholics and drug addicts who are always under the influence. Most harmless and quiet and keep to themselves but a handful become violent or loud and the police end up coming. Is this their fault? probobly not. They have a medical condition of addiction and need help. But they have no family so noone to help them get that rehab so they end up here - thrown away to rot.

There are people in this building that are 'disturbed' which is the only word I know to describe them. Darren Green is one of those people. Tonya was just an annoying gossip,... but Darren I feel is dangerous. his inability to let go of old grudges is has turned out to be dangerous. I don't feel safe around him or Mark. But the rest of the people I don't think are dangerous. Just tragic sad souls - like myself - who nobody wants to be around and therefore doesn't get the mental and financial support that they need. Troubled,... disabled,... addicted,.... whatever their issue is,... noone wants to know so they get thrown away.

These people don't need the police showing up at their door,... which is always what happens. They need better support systems in this community. WHY is the begger allowed to control her money when she spends all of her money on take out and it's gone in four days? Why is noone supporting her in that? Instead she begs to the point where noone wants to be around her. Very sad,....

This society I have learned does not like the 'different'. They don't want to be around us,... they don't want to hear us,.... they dont' want to have to deal with us at all. So they say we are too mentally ill and then they turn their backs.

They say the stigma of mental illness has gotten better?? Not from where I am sitting. 

I can't stay in this building. I have two choices. I either move out and become homeless,... or I stay locked up in my unit which is the only place I feel 100% safe. As I write this,... I have noticed that Mark has been sitting out in the gazebo all morning. He never use to be out there that much. But since that day I called the police on him,... he won't leave the gazebo. He is making a direct statement to me. "I am sitting in this gazebo and if you come in your going to get the rath of me,..." He is hoping I will come out there so he can attack me. But I want nothing to do with this man. So instead I hide in my unit - afraid to go out to the gazebo. This man is dictating how I live. And I wont' do it anymore. I am not going to be ruled by FEAR living in my own home.

And THAT is why I have given my notice to be out by Octover 31st. I haven't even bothered looking for a new place. There isn't one. I am already on the bottom. There is nothing out there I can afford bringing in $851.51 a month. That is ridiculous and laughable. So I have another plan. And where I am going,... I won't need a new place to live.

I am so fucking done being treated like an invisable piece of shit.

I am done.