Vancouver here I come to die!

I am at the end of my rope with this arm and all the pain. So I tried one last ditch attempt for help but as always - I don't qualify. Why? Because don't have a doctor,... 

I have already decided I refuse to live in this pain any longer. But I thought I would give MAiDs one last try. So I called Health811. An Ontario Health line which is suppose to help people like me. So I got the woman there to get MAiDs to call me. But when MAiDs called,... it wasn't good news. I told them about my two previous attempts with 2 other MAiDs doctors but I got forgotten about. (She had no answer for why they just ignored me after the initial assessments). Anyway,... I don't qualify anymore anyway,... Why? Because you have to have a DOCTOR to go through it.

It's a fucking vicious circle. You can't get anything without a doctor,... blah,... blah,... blah,... I ended up getting upset and just hanging up on them.  I have lost all hope now. There was NO WIGGLE ROOM at all to negotiate. Just no doctor - no MAiDs.

So this just solidified my plans to do it myself. I am flying to Vancounver in May. I am not bluffing or being a drama queen or whatever it is this world seems to think,... because noone has taken me seriously. NO ONE!!!!!! Maybe they're all just sick of hearing about it ~ sick or reading about it ~ imagine how I feel having to live it 24 hours a day????? I am not fucking happy and I dont' plan on sticking around. I am NOT fucking playing games. If this society can't be bothered to help me,... then I do it myself. And noone has the right to judge me because you didn't help when I needed it,... you can't blame someone for not being able to cope anymore and choosing the relief of death when you didn't offer support of ANY kind. Even a phone call to see how I was would have showed some interest,... but zilch,... zero,... noone reached out to help.  *** crickets ***

So when you all read about my death - don't you dare judge or say "you wished you could have helped" because you COULD HAVE!!!! You choose not to. You choose to stay in the background and hide and pretend and ignore. "If she doesn't know I know shes struggling I don't have to get involved,... I will just ignore her ~ someone else can help her,...." 

And in the end,... Noone reached out to help - so noone has the right to judge what happens now.

Vancouver, British Columbia here I come to die,... Hastings and downtown east side will get me what I need,...  and I can't fucking wait,...