My heart is broken

I have been tying up the loose ends of my life. I have already decided I am leaving my apartment behind as is. I have never done that in my entire life. I have moved 23 times in my lifetime and each and every time I left a place I scrubbed it top to bottom so it was spotless for the new owners. But I don't have the money for storage. So I will just be packing up what I can carry and the rest I will leave behind. Furniture and all,... I will not be giving Ontario Housing notice that I am leaving. From all the crap they put me through over the years I have lived here - they don't deserve it. All the times I needed help and I got ignored or worse yet - threatened with eviction!! Never seen as a human being. And this last time was the last straw. The NEW employee that came and offered me all sorts of help. I will get "our team" to contact you,... that was nearly 3 weeks ago. It doesn't take that long to make one referral,.... I have been forgotten about again. So fuck them,.... no help,... when I end my life. THEYcan deal with the aftermath of what I leave behind. I don't have a car or money to get any of my belongings in storage or packed away.  And I am in too much pain to do it anyway. So I am just packing a bag and leaving all the rest behind,... fuck 'em

Unfortunately the sad part is I have to put my little Maggie May down. I can't take her with me. So I will be leaving behind a note with some money to have her put down. I do not have the heart to be there. I feel like I am being FORCED OUT of my home so this is making me really angry that I have to put her down. But if I'm homeless,... so is she,... and I can't bear that. So I will leave notice and she will be taken care of. I am so fucking angry that things have turned out this way.

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If ONE person could take me in and rent me a room I could survive. Just one person,... 

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But noone can and I just don't have the money for rent AND food AND basic needs. Theres not even NEARLY enough to live on. And I refuse to live on charity and benefits. 

Everything is done and planned. Now I just wait and appreciate every second I have with my Maggie before it all goes down.

As I was throwing things away and getting things done I came across some of Hayleys things. So I wrote her a very quick text. The first one in over 14 months. I just said I am leaving but I have a few items of yours I can't take with me. If you want them you'll have to come and get them. I will be out of here by ************** so you will have to pick it up before then.

No how are you,... no concern about my situation,... her answer? "OK I'll let you know. Where are you going?" 

I answered "Vancouver" and then ~ all went quiet ~ no answer

Hours later I got another text "Ok, I'll let you know when I can get it"

and that is that,.... my kids really don't have any attachement to me at all. She doesn't care why I'm going or where or with who if anyone,... not interested in it.  

I can't force my children to take an interest in my life. They either want me in their life or they don't. So now this has made my decision 100% real now. My kids don't even care I'm going.

I am going to die of a broken heart.