Lets hope today is the day I die

 Should I go to the hospital if my blood pressure is 200 over 100? ~ Contact your provider right away if: You have a blood pressure of 180/120 or higher. It doesn't get better after waiting five minutes and checking it again. You have symptoms of a hypertensive crisis.

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I am not doing at all well today. I am sad,... depressed and over life and just want to die. I just don't want to have to cope with one more fucking day on this planet. I didn't sleep again last night. The pain, pins and needles have doubled over the past few weeks. It is get WORSE not better. As I type this my arm is in so much pain it is unbearable. I should not have to live alife where TYPING gives me unbearable PAIN!

I am so fucking done.

I woke up with severly high blood pressure. 220 over 130. I was a medical assistant. I KNOW exactly what it means to have this high reading. But for fun, I decided to type in google what to do if your blood pressure is 220/130. The answer I got I cut and paste to the top of this post. I am in hypertensive CRISIS. Do I care? NO. Infact, I hope I have a heart attack and DIE. Maybe today is my lucky day and I finally get to leave this fucking planet.

I REFUSE to call 911 anymore. That resulted in debt and debt collectors,... with no real health help in the end anyway. Just bandaids to fix the immediate problem but the underlying REAL problem gets ignored becasue I have no doctor/

I am in OVERWHELMING PAIN today and I can't take it.

I can't take anymore pain,....

I sure do hope I die today,.... what a blessed relief that would finally

 be,...

Not even this blog is going right,... I have done nothing different yet this blog doesn't look right. It looks al cut and paste and shitty,.... I have tried to fix it but it wont' and I so frustrated and depressed and suicidal I don't care,... story of my life - NOTHING works out