Hope?

Over the past few weeks, I have been contacted by someone who seems to want to help me. A professional,... not some random off the street lol,... I had told them no because in my past experience I just end up getting disappointed. And over the years, each time you get disappointed you sink lower than you were before it. Until you find yourself with no hope at all. And now, your just afraid to be disappointed once more. With each disappointment, it just gets harder to pick yourself up off the floor each time. 

But today I got another message saying they would really like to help and can we meet. So I agreed. He signed off with a positve get back to you. Now I wait,...

Dare I hope? I need so much I just don't know if any of it is achievable. A Doctor,... help with my accident pain,... my hands are like claws right now. And if I dare to do anything that requires their use,... the next day I am in so much pain I can't think.

I need to get out of this apartment and preferrably right out of Fergus altogether and into a city with more resources for me. Bus service,... etc,... But moving out of this apartment has proved futile. I just can't find anywhere else as I am already living at the bottom. The next rung is living under a bridge. My rent budget is $500. You can see the problem there,... rent starts at $1500 now. I am too poor to move. 

So many things have gone wrong. I feel like I am falling apart and can never get fixed.

But it is spring and with spring comes new beginnings. Maybe this is a new beginning?

I was watching "Call The Midwife" yesterday and one of the characters summed up my life perfectly,...

"I don't fear dying. I fear living death with no purpose"

That is exactly my life right now. Living with no purpose. And I just can't go on this way any longer,... I really, really need a new beginning,...