Second post of the day and it's not even noon,... I am sitting here in my apartment basically waiting for the police. Why? One word,... TONYA

She works most weekdays. It's the only time I have that I feel ok to leave my unit. I actually step out into the hall before I go anywhere and check out the window to see if her car is in her spot. If it isn't,... I feel safe to come out and do my garbage and get my mail or whatever. But if her car IS there, I usually just go back into my unit and stay in. She is just not worth the aggrevation she causes me. Today - her car was there. i was all ready to go out. I have had a bad day and I wanted to smoke a bowl. To show you how badly I am not coping ~ I haven't gone out to the gazebo to smoke a bowl in months.  But today I needed to. My pain is out of control and too distracting to function so I needed to go outside and smoke. (YOU SEE??? I don't smoke inside!!!) I cautiously looked out and the hallway was empty. So I locked up and started walking towards the elevator. Of course my phone was video taping. It always is when I leave my apartment now.  

As I walk down the hall I hear Anne and Tonyas son talking. Gossiping I should say,... and what is Anne saying??? "It's marijuanna alley here,..." JUST as I was rounding the corner. When she saw me she went white. And quickly said "down my end,... it smells down my end,..." 

Now you have to remember I have just been threatened with eviction for being blamed for this. And just as this is all happening,... TONYA comes out of her unit. So I let her have it. I looked at Anne and I said "Well it;s not me. I don't smoke in my unit so I would appreciate you not tattling to housing that it is me - it's SCOTT!" and then I turned to Tonya and I let all my frustration go. Was it nice? No. But I have had it with this woman and her lies and her gossip. I let her know I KNEW exactly what she had done and how low she was for doing it. The bitch DENIED it was her. housing told me it was her. Tonya Halls sent excerps from your coffee confessions blog to us,...

But she didn't want Anne or her son to know it was her so she blatantly denied it. Then her and her son started the mocking,... so i got on the elevator and left. Unfortuantely J (one of the gaggle of geese on the floor) got stuck on the elevator with me. I was angry and let her know it. I am so fucking done with these gossips,...

When she came outside while I was in the gazebo I let her have it again. I shouted - I lost it - and I don't even care. She can dish it out and does,... but the minute someone tried to tell her some home truths?? She cries innocent like a little baby. They drove off leaving me so frustrated I just want to die today. Becasue I know a complaint is coming - I just know from who. Housing or the police? But yet again this woman has me sitting in my unit afraid the police will be banging on my door. She dishes it out in spades but can't take it when someone talks back. 

I already live in pain,... I already live in poverty,... I dont' need this shit.

I dont even care anymore. I don't even WANT help anymore,...

I just want off this fucking planet and be gone forever.

I just need to be DEAD