My mind is made up. Nothing can help me now I am too poor to survive

I think a person can just fall so deep into poverty and 'the system' that there just isn't a way out. No matter how far they climb,... something pushes them back down to poverty. And that is where I am. 

If I am to realistically have a chance at a half descent existence I need more money a month. WAY more money a month.  With my insurance payments and my CPP benefit I bring in $1591.51 a month right now. ~ $851.51 CPP ~ which I now hear the government wants to change this too,... and my two monthly insurance payments from my accident of $370 makes the total $1591.51. There is NO ODSP anymore. So next January is my LAST insurance payment. THEN I will be bringing in ONLY $851.51 a month. 

There is no way in hell anyone can exist on $851.51 a month.

I am already living in poverty with $1591.51 a month. 

I think realistically if one needs to pay rent food and other basic needs they need $3000 a month. 

I refuse to live here in this building any longer. But my situation makes it so I dont make enough to leave. NO CHOICES.

So my poverty alone is enough to have me suicidal.

Now add on the pain from the accident with no doctor and I just can't cope. I have not slept properly in months. The pain is too much. Last night I broke down and just cried. I just walked around my aprtemtn crying. Becasue laying down hurt,... sitting in my chair hurt,... nothing I did made the pain lesson. And I hit my breaking point and just cried.

So even if I get more money a month- I refuse to live any longer in this pain. And even if I do get a doctor and they can fix these injuries to eleviate all my pain,...,... I just get well to live a life of misery. It's a vicious cycle once you fall down here to the bottom.

I just don't see any reason to go on.

I am back to m y original plan.

It will take longer as I need a lot more money. Going to Vancouver for a week is quite expensive. Even only one way,...

And becasue I am so humiliatingly poor,... I have to save more. But I don't know if I have what I need to wait. This pain really is unbearable and I really can't take it one more day.

I don't think I deserve a painful death of jumping into the gorge or running infront of a truck. I don't think I deserve more pain,... I just want a peaceful quiet death of a fentanyl overdose. And I will stop at nothing now to make that happen.

Life just isn't worth it anymore. YOU try living on this amount. It's humiliating and miserable and I refuse to do it any longer. Not one family member cared. THAT told me all I need to know,...

If noone can help with these two things then life isn't worth living to me and I WILL end it.

How sad I have to die becasue my governemtn doesn't pay me enough to SHIT!