All I wanted was a little vacation before I go

Yesterday was a complete disappointment. But I have not given up. I have drawn a line under that and have started with a new plan. I don't give up - I just get mad and dig deeper for an answer.

I have not had a vacation in 25 years!! YEARS! So I wanted to have a bit of a holiday before I took that fatal fentanyl overdose. I have had a life of struggle and pain and poverty and I really just wanted a little break before I go. But poor people do not have the same advantages as regular folk.

I don't own a credit card. My drivers license has expired. The only ID I have with a photo is my OHIP card. Apparently this isn't good enough. They won't accept my drivers license as it's expired. (But it has my photo and data on it). I don't understand this need for a credit card to do everything, My daughter back-packed across Europe no no credit card and she managed. So,... so can I. I just have to go about it a different way. 

But I will get my vacation. It may only be 2 days. But it's still something.

This world has priced me right out of living. I can't afford rent anymore,.... I can't afford groceries anymore,... I never could do stuff for entertainment. I never did have the money for that,... 

All I wanted was a fucking vacation before I go,... 

But poor people do not get the same advantages as the rest of the folks. We are just told no,... no,... no,...

This has not stopped me. When you live a MISERABLE existence - you will do anything to get out of it.

You know those sayings people say,.... there is one that instantly irritates me and that is,... "If you don't like you life - change it" like it's that easy. I want nothing more than to change my life. But I am in a prison of 'the system' and once you are in the system - you don't get out. And they OWN YOU. You have no choices now,... 

I cannot leave this apartment due to these circumstances. But i refuser to live here. So if I can't move - I die. 

And as you can see - I am a stubborn old girl and in the end,... I will get that peaceful death and a vacation. I WILL  escape this humiliating existance of being thrown away and left to rot,... this existence of pain,... and poverty so bad I go hungry,... I am done living that life. 

I either get more money to live which is never going to happen as our government hates disabled people and just thinks of us as a drain on the system they wish would 'go away'. Funny,... I would love to go away but ironically,... I am too poor to even die and I have to save up to even do that. 

No doctor,... no home after my insurance money runs out,.... I am fucked.

So no I have not given up. Infact I am even more determined to finally get this fentanyl and overdose so I can FINALLY feel peace.

Noone wants to help me live ~ so NOONE has the right to stop me from dying!!!!! 

I HAVE NOWHERE TO LIVE after next February. And I refuse to be homeless again,....