The time has finally come

I am exhausted. I went to bed around 11 last night but my arm and hand wouldn't allow me to sleep. At 3 i got up and put the coffee on. I'm starting to wonder if I'm ever going to sleep again. This arm is getting WORSE - not better. I can't even find ANY postion anymore that relieves the pins and needles. And it has moved into my underarm of all places. It so uncomfortable I can't stand it. I got hit in Feb 2024. Here we are 14 months later - over a year! 

And I still can't feel my fucking arm.

I can't take it anymore. I can't use my right hand. My dominant hand. I can't take care of myself properly anymore. 

Being up all night I had so much time to think. And I can't see one reason to hang on any longer,... the time hascome and now I have to put my plan in action and end this horrible suffering. It's inhumane how noone seems to give a shit what happens to me. I sit here alone in my apartment day after day after day after day after day,... ALONE watching tv. It's a tedius and frustrating and boring existence. And noone even knows I'm alive,... noone would even notice if I died here on the floor,... only the smell would finally alert them.

I am completely alone in this world and I can't get the help I need to survive.

The specialist doctor for my arm still hasn't called,... and even when he does - I have to tell them I can't make it as I have no transportation. I can't walk 100 km!!!!  So,.... NO help for my arm.

No help for anything

And I am too old and too exhausted to continue on.

I buy my plane ticket this pay. I am not waiting one more month to suffer with this arm,... and my pain,... and poverty,... and debt. If I had family - it would balance out. But with nothing in my life but heartache and isolation there is nothing to save. It is time my friends,.. it is time to buy that plane ticket.

Fuck you world for forgetting about me - once again. If I had a loving family advocating for me - my arm would have been looked at and fixed as soon as I was hit by the car. But with no advocates or help for transportation??? I am alone and helpless. I just can't do it on my own anymore,...  

Fuck you world - it's tim. And I can't get to Vancouver fast enough now