Wow,... having another good day. Two in a row. That is unheard of lately. I woke up to a bright sunny day. No ice,... no snow,... finally just a really nice day. I wanted to walk to the store but I had a woman coming over to cut Maggie's nails this afternoon. My 18 year old cat - who is normally very peaceful and docile - literally turns into Satan whenever I try and cut her nails. It ends up taking two people. So I have a woman who comes to my place and does it here. For $15. Very reasonable. I always give her $20 just because Maggie is such a difficult cat. She left awhile ago and Maggie is just now starting to settle down. It traumatizes her every time, poor thing.
I did something today I haven't done in 7 months. I went outside to the gazebo. The weather is just too nice to stay inside. So at lunchtime I rolled a joint and went outside. When I first walked out there, Darren and Mark were out there. I wondered amusingly if they were still going to play the 'get up and leave' game when I came out. They did. It's rather humorous that they still play this childish game of 'I have the koodies'. What they don't realize is I don't want to sit with them so them leaving just gives me the gazebo without them. I have peace. I don't care either way if they are in there. I'm not going to play these silly games. If they want to get up and leave every time I go out,... they can. All it does now is amuse me. They just look childish and petty.
There were otheres that came out afterwards and I had no problem with them but then I never did. In the end it was quite pleasant to finally get to be outside. And to catch up with the people I haven't seen all winter. It made me feel brighter.
I also forgot to write that about a month ago I went to the walk-in clinic and got medication for my fibromyalgia. Cymbalta. I have been on it for over 3 weeks now and it does seem to be working for my mood. I haven't noticed a huge difference in pain relief - but my mood has definitely gotten better. I no longer wake up angry or unsettled. I am waking up calm again. I feel more even and my emotions are under control again. This has made a HUGE difference to me overall.
So with the beginning of spring and starting new medication,... maybe things will get a bit better. I no longer have the threat of eviction over my head anymore. I hadn't realized just how heavy that threat was to carry. Now that it is gone I feel so much lighter and stable. The weather is getting better now so I will be able to get back outside once again. Just knowing this has left me feeling happier.
I am still in the middle of a shit storm of problems but atleast today,... I got to go outside and enjoy some sun on my face. Tomorrows forecast is calling for another good day so maybe I can get over to Freshco to pick up some milk.
My friend Becky and i finally got in touch. Shes so busy and I'm so,... well,... uncivilized lately (lol) so I haven't seen her at all. I'm hoping maybe we can finally get together in the next few weeks. I really do need a day away from this compound.
I'm still saving for Vancouver. But nothing is written in stone and my life is so fluid. Some days,... like today I have hope. But other days I know I will never get out of this poverty and this miserable life. And those days I continue to save knowing I won't be coming back to Ontario.
But right now - everything is up in the air. It will all depend on how things turn out financially.
No comments:
Post a Comment