Still shaking my head

I don't usually write twice in one day but I just had an upsetting experience and having no family or anyone to talk to I have to write about it to get it off of my chest. 

I have to decide who to make beneficiary in my will. Basically who will get whatever money I have remaining. It's not a lot but it would do some good to someone who is ALREADY established in a home. (as apposed to me who is starting over and would need a lot more). So I thought of my half-brother Tony who lives in British Columbia. Tony is quite a few years younger than I am. (not sure his actual age - 40'ish??). I have met him only once when he came to Ontario many years back and he met my daughters and myself. But I really don't know him. He is 'mentally challenged' although to what capacity I don't even know. But he is lovely. He is my half-brother Tony. 

So I reached out to Tony's father-in-law on Facebook. I would normally never do a 'cold call' message to someone who doesn't know me. But these are my brothers in-laws. They should KNOW he has a sister named Jacquie Holyoak. Tonys mother ~ OUR mother ~ was a HOLYOAK. (although latter changed her name to Kelly Carter???) He should recognize that name. So thinking this, I thought I would reach out to him via Facebook messenger. I introduced myself, I apologized for bothering him, and then I explained why I was reaching out to him. Every answer he gave me was RUDE. And in the end he called me a scammer,.... So I blocked him.

Now, I wasn't so much upset at the rudeness, although that wasn't necessary. I was more upset that this man had no idea who I was. It made me wonder just how invested in my brother this man was, if he didn't even know Tony had a sister and what her name was. HE SHOULD KNOW who I am if he was close to Tony. I have been on his daughters facebook page many times!!! This is my brothers father in law. Anyway,... it upset me that noone knew who I was. Again,... invisable,... a nobody,... and on top of that,... a scammer,.... so I decided to walk away from anything I had planned. I don't like to deal with people who make you feel bad. I can't do this without another capable adult to be the liason for Tony (due to Tonys diminished capability). But if this man doesn't even know who I am???? Then I have to wonder how invested in Tony he is,... I can't trust him. So I walked away.

But I feel bad for Tony. I can't do anything with Tony unless I have a liason to work through. And his mother in law just passed away so there isn't anyone else.

I just feel yet another rejection,.... noone even knew who I was,.... (except Tony - he never disappoints - he always cares) I was only trying to do something nice,.... but again,... treated like a nobody.

Now I just feel even more alone 

Now the beneficiary will be Toronto Sick Kids Hospital. ( I had to make a decison for the lawyer today) 

How sad I can't even help people because they think I'm a scammer,... wow,... how hurt,... how fucking hurt am I right now?