Me with my two daughters at my Mom's house during the Christmas holidays
Christmas is just a few weeks away now. But I have planned nothing. No decorations, no meal plan,... because around here Christmas is just a time for sad reflection and missing loved ones. I don't put up decorations, as it's just a reminder to me of all the celebrations I am missing. So Christmas will be just another Thursday for me.
A mother can never forget her children. I had my girls until they were 9 and 12. And I consider that a gift I will cherish always. I spent nearly every waking hours with those girls and they mean more to me than life itself.
I don't have anymore pictures of my past. The hard copies are all at their fathers house and the digitals I lost in a computer crash. I got some back through Facebook having them but these are the only 2 Christmas photos I have of my past. All I have are my memories now.
And even though I try very hard to pretend December 25th is just another day,... the smells in my building of turkey dinners remind me of what I am missing.
I am missing my granddaughter. I didn't know you could miss someone you have never even met. But it's the memories of Christmas's with my own girls that makes my heart weep for my granddaughter. I am missing so much. Too much.
I hate this time of year. November 29th is the birthday of the twins, and from there on in it's just a build up of Christmas, Christmas, everywhere!!!! You can't escape it. Even as a recluse who never leaves my apartment it is still in my face everywhere I turn. Every show and newscast shoves it down my throat. Or at least thats how it feels for someone who dreads it.
Christmas is a difficult time of year.
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If someone knows this place, please pick me up and bring me there as I can't think of a better place I would like to be than in a cabin in the woods with my kittens on Christmas morning. Now THAT would be a gift I would be grateful for,....
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