Just need to die now

I think it's safe to say I have heart disease. Every morning I take my blood pressure. And it is consistantly getting higher over the past year. It now sits at about 160/105 all the time now. But in the morning it can climb to over 200.

I desperately need health care 

I looked up what it means for you systolic pressure to remain over 100 all the time now and it said:

A consistent diastolic blood pressure reading above 100 mmHg is considered Stage 2 hypertension and should be addressed by a healthcare professiona. This significantly increases your risk of serious condiotions like heart attack, stroke, and kidney disease.

From what I can read, I am in the 2nd stage of heart disease. I need a doctor for stable, consistent care. Walk-ins and ER visits are not going to cut it. This society won't allow me to go through MAiDs (Medical assistence in dying) but it's ok to allow me to languish and suffer with heart disease with no doctor or health care,..???

NOT FAIR,... not going to do what society says I need to do which is SUFFER. Instead,... I stick to my original plan. If no doctor and no move out of this building happens by spring,...(which is when my will and final plans will be paid for) I won't need to wait to die from a heart attack - I will end if myself.

HOW DARE this society FORCE ME to suffer in pain YET WON'T GIVE ME A DOCTOR,.... So fuck you I do things my way as I have had to do most of my adult life. ALONE. I refuse to live in pain ~ suffering because our government has fucked up our health care. NOT MY FAULT so I refuse to suffer in the consequences. You don't want me to kill myself??? Then get me some health care. If you can't,.... then you can't force me to stick around and suffer,....

I always feel weak,... tired,... I just can't keep up anymore. So I know something is wrong. I have known for over a year now. When your blood pressure's AVERAGE reading is 165/110 ~ your DYING. I may not stroke out or have a heart attack today ~ but it's coming,....

I am also in so much pain I cannot bear it anymore. I think my hands were broken and never healed properly and now everything is just a mangled mess leaving me unable to use my hands. 

You can't get by without the use of your hands ~ it's immpossible.

Roll on heart attack,... 

Roll on death,...

Because life is just too painful right now and with no doctor I can't bear it anymore,... I literally just sit here and cry in pain now,.... torture.

So roll on relief,....

Roll on DYING!!!!!!!