So fucking done,..

It has been awhile since I went almost completely off-grid. My phone is turned off and sitting on the bottom of my purse. My Ipad - (the one I bought used quite awhile ago now that I only use for casting my shows from the Daily Motion app on to my tv ~ Apple Air Play makes it so easy)  It is turned off and put away. Everything else I do on my laptop. But there is NO COMMUNICATING with the outside world. I am now an island.

I have not gone on social media either. The toxic things that were being said on there were proving so triggering that I had to give up social media altogether for my mental health. I have a soft heart and get hurt easily. I was finding that people didn't care what they said as long as they were hidden away behind their keyboard. Nothing seemed to be off limits. The one that changed me - I mean fundamentally CHANGED ME - was on a community page on Facebook. I wrote about it on here already. I was on a hunger strike because of the low wage of ODSP. Someone commented

"I hope you have your coffin lady as nobody cares,..." 

That hit me so hard. Because it made me sit back and see,... he was right. In the end no one gave a shit that I was starving myself. Life went on,.. people laughed at me,... and I felt like an invisable piece of shit. I think I reached 6 days or something when this comment made me give up. I dont' remember who exactly wrote that comment (their name) but I bet he doesn't even remember writing it. It was so flippant,... and that is what bothered me. Because he showed what EVERYONE else thought.

NO ONE FUCKING CARES LADY,.... go ahead and starve yourself,.... lol 

It was the disposability of lives. If you can't keep up ~ tough shit. Your on your own. And to flippantly make a comment that basically said I am worth NOTHING - hit me hard. I changed after that. I gave up fighting for better wages for ODSP. I learned no one wants to get involved with the the fight to raise funds for OW and ODSP. I was NEVER GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING. Only happy shiny people can do that - but they don't. They instead blame us for being here - it's all our fault - so your going to have to just deal.

The past 5 years have taught me that I am on my own. I have written MULTIPLE TIMES how I need help. 

But everyone claims "self care" ~ she's mentally ill so I don't want her. Instead I have to stay away and self-care. 

But where does that leave me?

Alone,... not well,... and unable to carry on,... 

And if I am so invisable to this fucking community,...

Then noone will even notice I am gone,....

And therefore no one will give a rats ass if I kill myself,..

The only person effected by my life is ME. And I have decided that life is not a life to me and there just isn't any point in being here anymore. I am literally just causing DEBT by BREATHIONG and being alive. I HAVE NO WORTH.

And if thats the case,... then I am not sticking around. 

I tried but you rejected me and threw me away. 

So FUCK YOU WORLD,....

I'm done,.... soooooo fucking done!!!!!!