I woke up late this morning. The new curtains are doing their job. Darkness! So much so I overslept. I couldn't really afford those curtains. I actually 'borrowed' the money from another area that I still need to pay back. My whole budget seems to be borrowing off of this pot to cover this ~ and then juggle things around to make it work. Budgeting when you are poor is a learned art. When I 'fell' into poverty, it was shell shock and it changed my life completely. Through trial and error and a whole lot of NSF transactions, I learned to balance a very tight budget. 

The one thing that has always annoyed me about banks is their refusal to supply me with NSF protection. Ironically, I am 'too poor' and don't make enough to qualify for NSF protection,... which is a little annoying as we are the ones who need it the most. Yet another example where the middle class don't even see how they get - and we don't. To a person with very little money, NSF transactions can cost us up to $100 in fees for each one. That is half a months worth of groceries we have to give up to pay it. So I had to quickly learn NOT to have any of these NSF's. It took about a year, but I did finally manage to control my budget. But it was tight. So tight I do have to go without on a lot of things. One of the things I seem to say all the time when I am doing my monthly budget is "Oh well,... maybe next month I can squeeze it in,..."

I have a priority list. Rent,... internet,... phone,... insurance,...etc,... Once these bills are paid I can then budget the rest. But after bills, there really isn't much left over.

Anyway,... I ramble,... the reason I am pointing this out is because I came dangerously close to an NSF transaction yesterday. It was so tight I was literally watching my bank account to see if it would happen. Sometimes all the budgeting in the world cannot stop an overlap and an NSF transaction. I was nervous as I just can't afford a penalty fee for an NSF.

So imagine my surprise when I was yet again watching tv, when a notification popped up on my laptop. Notifying me that an etransfer had been made into my bank account. $100. (???) I was obviously not expecting this and seeing money in my account was so rare I was confused. Their was name attached to this etransfer but to be honest I don't recognize it. So someone ~ a complete stranger ~ knows of my struggles (my blog? are they local and know Becky?) etransfered me money to help. And this money covered the NSF worry i was having. 

So just as I am sinking in the ocean,... feeling like I am drowning,... someone threw me a life preserver. A total stranger thought that much about me they helped. Who is this person? I'm sure they would have reached out if they wanted me to know who they were. But they didn't. So it remains a mystery. I don't even know how she knew how to do that. I had put my email in my last post but I didn't realize people could wire money to you with that. But they knew, and they did. 

So whoever you are,... thank you. You saved me an NSF fee that would have taken away my half of my December groceries. Sometimes, when you are in the depths of despair and isolated from the rest of the world, you forget there are still good people out there who are not only good ~ but listening,... So to this person,... it isn't the money you sent me although that did save me,... it was that someone saw me. Through the dark stormy waters I was drowning in and so desperately looking for a hand,... one reached out. That tends to restore your faith in humanity. For all the Tonyas and Darrens who have been so destructive, you forget that there are still really GOOD people in the world too.

And to feed on that,... another good deed yesterday. One of my 'angels' got in touch and ordered me Swiss Chalet from Doordash and had it sent to me. Now for a normal person this may not sound like a very big deal. But I don't get take out. It is one of those things that are just too dear to spend your precious budget on. Why order a take out pizza that will end up costing you nearly $40 - when You can buy frozen for $8. I just can't justify take out anymore. It's a waste of my budget. So to suddenly have HOT fresh take out chicken was AWESOME! I ate that chicken and I appreciated every single bite. Infact,... because I eat so little now my stomach seems to have shrunk so I can't eat big meals anymore. I was able to put some away and now have dinner for tonight too. I got two meals out of that chicken. So thank you cousin,... I don't know how she does it. But this cousin of mine seems to come out of the woodwork in desperate times. Again,... restoring your faith in humanity. 

I grew up in a Christian family. I was raised to treat others well. It wasn't until I moved into this building that I saw a lot of the 'other side' of humanity. And after 8 years it has caused me to hide underground to avoid any conflict with them. I would rather hide than particiapate. So,.. after 8 years here,... you almost forget that there are GOOD people too. All I see is the gossips and lies living here,... I really miss the days of honest authentic people. The ones I grew up with. I hate to say this as it's such a cliche,... but being poor does force you to live in a completely different enviroment than the middle class. And it's harder. I know because I have sunk down here and seen it with my own eyes. 

But thanks to these two angels,... I have woken up with just a small glimmer of,... ? what? hope? no. I don't think it's actually hope that my life will now change. But it did fill me with gratitude and grace to know that they cared enough to let me know I am not invisable to everyone.

Thank you cousin L and N. F. ~ you have reminded me that I am not completely on my own,....