I am shaking as I type this. Today I decided to get some stuff done. Specifically laundry. I don't normally do anything during the day anymore for fear of running into Darren or Tonya. (I'm not scared of them - I just think it's better for all involved if I can limit how much I run into them). So I looked out the window overlooking the parking lot and saw that Tonya's car was there when earlier it wasn't. Damn. I had my laundry all ready to go so I decided to brave it anyway. I left my unit and walked down the hall towards the laundry room. Which is also towards everything else. The elevator,... the garbage room,... and both Tonya and Darrens doors. I put a load of laundry into the washing machine. I had to run back and get a cup of vinegar though as both the washing machines smell like mildew. ew,... they never clean them so I am forced to just use them smelly. I just compinsate for this by putting vinegar in with the detergent. As I was leaving I decided to go and put my empty fabric softener container into the garbage in the garbage room. I saw the coast was clear as I did this so I thought I would sneek in a few laps before going back to my unit.

But as I was (trapped) way down at his end, he came out. So I just stopped in my tracks. I was about 15 feet away from his door. He took some stuff down to the garbage room. When he was inside, I thought I would take this opportunity to whip by the garbage room before he got back out. But unfortunately he emerged just as I was about to walk by. I try to avoid Darren at all costs. He's just not a pleasant guy. But if by chance I do have to walk by him I always make sure I glare him down. I stare him in the eyes and don't remove my gaze. It unsettles him. I am just letting him know that I KNOW everything he has done to me and I remember,.... I want him to know I KNOW he lied to everyone about me. So I glare him down to challenge him. But he is a coward at heart. He can dish it out but he can't take it back. He tried to look me in the eyes but he instantly saw my glare and looked away. I have to say,... he looks awful. He is pale white. Sickly looking white (even though he is half Indian with an Indian father and a white mother) He had terrible dark bags under his eyes. He looked like a vampire who hadn't seen daylight in weeks. Unkempt,... sickly looking. Maybe karma has caught up with him,...

In any case,... I just hurried back to my apartment and shut the door. I immediately started shaking. I smiled that I glared him down and showed him I KNOW everything and I am not happy with him. But it did trigger me and I started to shake. And of course as I was coming back? Tonya and her son were standing at the elevator. I put my head down and kept going not even looking. A person should not have to worry about others every time they leave their apartment. Again,... I cannot stand living here and

I WILL KILL MYSELF to get out of this situation.

It is that bad,.... 

So now Darren knows I am out and about doing laundry, I hope he will just stay in his unit for the next hour. Once laundry is done I am back in my unit ~ locking my door and hibernating once again. Infact everyday,... all I do is hibernate away. Watching tv as I stare at the scalpel on the table beside me trying to get up the courage to use it.

THAT IS HOW MUCH I HATE MY LIFE

Please give me the courage to finally end my life