I have discovered Euthanasia groups

I have woken up in such despair. I cannot go on like this anymore,.... I just can't,... Something has to be done. So I joined a couple of Euthanasia groups. And over the past 24 hours I have been speaking with others in these groups. They have all assured me - I DON'T NEED OUR GOVERNMENTS PERMISSION to die. Finally I have found people who are not only listening to me,... but helping. So I tried Fergus community and the Canadian government but you didn't even take me seriously. Left me hanging without an answer,.... so I say I have tried every route I could possibly try. Now it's time to get serious.

If I have to leave this country to die I will.

I am not going to spend one more Christmas alone,... One more day in pain,.... one more year of poverty. I refuse to live in pain on benefits and charity like a worthless piece of shit.

So the feelers are all out,... people are out trying to help me now. Hopefully by the date I have in my mind I will have found my precious fentanyl and will have passed away into peace,...

I will no longer allow a stranger to dictate whether I am allowed to die. WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY to decide if I should suffer or not. Nope,... I have decided that I tried but everyone let me down. So now,... I allow these groups to help me. 

I WILL BE DEAD by Christmas day 2024. Because I refuse to spend one more holiday alone feeling like an unwanted invisable burden.

I will stop at nothing now. My daughters don't care. I told them years ago but they just thought I was bluffing or soemthing becasue they didn't even raise an eyebrow. Infact Hayley just sadi,... "I understadn why your doing it,..." and that was the one and only conversation we had on it. One sentence,.... THEY DON'T CARE. So it's time.

Now I know how to get my precious fentanyl. It will take time and I may have to wait for the mail strike here in Canada to end,... but it WILL HAPPEN.

I refuse to live like a worthless pauper left alone to rot.

By November 29th,... my twin sons 35th birthday. If my living children don't want me then maybe my dead sons do,... 

I refuse to live in this misery anymore

I am going to end my life with fentanyl. And NOBODY is going to stop me now that I know where to get it.

I should have contacted these people 5 years ago. Because I have done nothing but struggle since then. 

Now my only gift to myself is to die.

Fuck you world for throwing me away and leaving me to die

Don't ever try and stop me when your not willing to offer help to make my life better. if your not going to help?? Then you don't get the right to tell me I can't. 

Are you going to bring me grocery shopping once a month? Are you going to cook for me? Are you going to take care of me? No,... so fuck off and leave me to do what I need to do to end my struggle.

I should never have even been born. 

Don't know what else to say other than I am done now,...

I refuse to take anymore of this bullshit misery.

I'm done.

If you don't like this decision,... then turn away. If your not going to help,... then just turn away,....