It's Saturday, And for so many years I can't even count I have always got up early as it's Game Day. Premier League Soccer out of England. I have been watching Manchester United play. But unfortuantely this passion I have for football is one I have always had to enjoy alone. Throughout all my gypsy like travelling over the past 40 years, I have never met anyone who shares even a small interest in football. So for all those years I have watched alone.

Over the past years my life has deteriorated drastically. But the one thing I always had left no matter what happened was Saturday morning football. Manchester United. But I have now lost my last passion ~ football. The past month I haven't even watched any games. My heart just isn't in it anymore. The cost was becoming a burden. (Football streaming sites are very expensive) and with a heavy heart I cancelled Fubo which airs my beloved Manchester United.

But it wasn't just the money. Theres something sad about watching games and having noone to share the enjoyment of them. When they get that big goal that changes everything ~ I leap up in celebration, But theres noone to high five or hoot and holler with in excitement. Theres noone to discuss the plays and the bad calls from the refs,... theres noone there at all. Just me. I have always missed having a footy buddy. But I lived. I still enjoyed the games. But over the past year I have slowly been losing the will to everything. Nothing gives me pleasure anymore. And I found that I was just 'forgetting' to watch the game. A game I use to set the alarm clock for and get up and make an event of that game. Now,... I don't even check the schedule to see what time they play.

Life is not fun when you have noone to share your passions with. And eventually over time you even lose interest in the passion itself. Never did I ever think I would see the day when football did not play on my tv on the weekend. It has been what has kept me going over the past 20 years. No matter what was happening in my life - every Saturday I  could still count on the Premier League. Game after game to watch. Heaven,... but somehow over time having to watch these games alone I guess I somehow lost the passion. Not being in a good state of mind right now with all that is going on,... I think my heart just isn't in it anymore. 

Its a shame. As it's the last thing I had left I enjoyed,.... but instead I cancelled Fubo and can now put that $25 a month to food.

Well life,... that was the last thing I had left. And now everything has been taken. 

Life is most definitely that healthy well being cup they talk about. You have to pour in good life experiences in order to get anything back out of life. If you put nothing into it ~ you get nothiing back. Your cup runs dry and leaves you thirsty. For the past five years I have not been able to put anything back into my cup. And now it would seem it's dry. 

My soul feels so empty. No passions left,... just survival.

I'm sorry Manchester United. I will love you until my last breath and I thank you for all the great games. But priorities in life and an empty soul have left me not enjoying anything anymore.

Now I just get to watch reruns on tv over and over again,.... this isnt' a life,... it's mundane torture.

My heart is broken,... my soul empty. WHY is my heart still beating??