April 14th. My grand-daughters birthday is sometime this week. I'm not even sure of the exact date. I can't settle. I should be packing and going to Barrie to celebrate my granddaughters birthday. But I am not wanted,...
Many years ago I received a phone call from a Toronto hospital asking if I knew a Bill Holyoak. I told her yes, he was my uncle. I had never met him, but I did know his daughter. She told me that he had died and they didn't have a next of kin to call. So I told her I would pass the details on to my cousin - which I did. But I am talking about this, as here is yet another Holyoak that died alone. Isolated,... So much so that noone even knew who to call when he died.
And this is now me. isolated and alone.
My mother,... and my grandmother both died alone and isolated too. My Mom lived in a trailer in the mountains of BC alone with her pets. My grandmother, Ida, lingered for 15 years in a nursing home with noone visiting her.
The Holyoak curse,...
But the truth is I haven't felt wanted or normal since the day I was born.
I don't know what it is people want from me. I try,... but they just don't like me. It's actually quite painful. So I too, will die in isolation. Lonely and feeling like a monster.
My days are getting too hard now. Too much pain. Every time I move my body, I feel pain. Every,... single,.... move,.... it's relentless and exhausting and I just can't do it anymore.
All I can say before I go is,.... I tried,... I really did try. But I don't even know what I did wrong,....
I just wish I had never even been born. What was the point????
Countdown to D-day,.... 77 days
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