Winter is here. Although it is bright and sunny out,... there is no mistaking the winter chill to the air now. Which means not as many people are sitting outside. It's just been too cold.

I have to get this off of my chest. I dont' know what is going on with the 'gazebo' since I was 'threatened' to stay out of there "or else" when Darren is in there, so I am not out there at all anymore which means I hear nothing. (Which is exactly how I like it!!).

But heres the thing. I have not seen Darren out there in weeks. I have seen Mark outside all the time - alone - without Darren. So I think Mark has finally come to his senses and realizes what type of person Darren really is. I have said this before,... I don't think Mark is a bad person. Even after he 'attacked' me outside and threatened me. Because he just doesn't seem like a confrontational guy. Before all of the "DARREN" situation,...Mark and I were acquaintances that got along fine. It was Darren who lied to him to deflect away from him getting caught traumatizing his cat,... he distracted everyone by starting a lie campaign against me so noone would find out he treats his cat so badly. That's how Darren operates. He throws the other person under the bus to protect himself.

Anyway,... something has changed in the gazebo. I notice some of the people (who I like and got along with) stopped going in there. I see them smoking alone somewhere else. Just go out - smoke - and come back in. That never used to be the case. I honestly think that people see Darren for who he is now. I think whether he admits it or not,... Mark sees what Darren is like now. A LIAR who destroys others lives to protect his reputation. And Mark fell for it hook, line and sinker. 

I will never go back out there to the gazebo. I don't think anyone understands just how traumatized I was by Mark attacking me the way he did. He was vicious and nasty and went for the juggler to make sure he hurt me the best way he could. I won't get over it. I have tried but every night i go to bed and close my eyes,... all I see is his finger in my face. Him looking down on me with his eyes bulging out of his head in rage.

"You are an abusive bitch"

"You are an abusive bitch"

"You are an abusive bitch"

The rage was terrifying. And I can't get it out of my head. I try but thats all I see at night when I close my eyes,.... 

He changed me that day. The things he shouted and the rage he had,... it was terrifying. But to not even be validated that he threatened me was devastating. I fear walking the halls as he in in them all the time. I ran into him once and my body shook. I hid and watied for him to go inside and then ran home - trembling. 

You can't live in a place like this. It's abusive.

And Ontario Housing does ZERO to help. Infact,... when I did try to get help,... not only did they not believe me (all the complaints from Tonya Halls that weren't even true), but they turned it around and got me in trouble!!!!!! 

I can't live like this

I can't live like this

I can't live like this

But there isn't anywhere to go,....

I hate my life. I feel like I live in a prison where I can't even walk out my front door without being attacked by bullies.

Yet,.... I get threatened with eviction because I threw a fob after being ignored looking to get help,....

There,... rant is over.

But the misesry is not,...

counting down to d -day and it can't come fast enough.