I hope to be dead by Christmas

 SOMEONE CARED!!!!!!!!

After receiving that letter saying I am going to be evicted (or taking me to the board for a tribunal or whatever) I gave up. Everyone has a limit. And I have reached mine. 

I re-read the letter carefully. And I realize (after looking it up) that legally they cannot evict me for throwing a fob and using a swear word. So this letter is a BLATANT attempt to scare me into thinking I am being evicted when they don't even have legal recourse to do so. THAT IS NOT RIGHT.

I couldn't sleep all night. So I got up this morning and I called our local MP here in Wellington County and I left a message telling him what happened and why. But the whole jist of my call was to tell him that I think it's horrible that Ontario Housing can get away with scare mongering. With using peoples housing as leverage for their behaviour. Behave or you will be thrown out!!!!!!!!

I get my behaviour was wrong. And indeed I am NOT proud of what  I did. But it was the accumualtion of months of frustration. It just happened,... but to be evicted for it is just using scare tactics to keep us in line. How about a phone call to see why I behaved the way I did????? Why not that???? instead of automatic eviction?????

How would that governemnt employee feel if she had an argument with a co-worker or her husband and had her home taken away from her because of it. She would be OUTRAGED wouldn't she???? But here she is threatening me with my housing. It's not right and something needs to be done to stop the GOD-like behaviour of Ontario Housing.

A glimmer of good news came out of this,... I thought I was completely alone in all of this. But I found a copy of an email in my mail slot outside my door,... my neighbour was so upset when she read the letter I received after throwing a fob. She wrote housing herself to let them know she thinks its unfair how they are treating me. And not only me,... but others in this building who are in similar situations. Frustrated and scared into hiding inside their units - just like me. One woman instead of 'acting out' like I did, has just become so depressed we are very worried about her. But housing doesn't see THIS,.... they only see me throw a fob.... and because of that "YOU NEED TO BE EVICTED!!!!"

Here is a fraction of what she wrote: 

"...Two men have banned a woman tenant from being in the gazebo. Since I don't smoke, the situation does not bother me, but as I explained to you recently, my sense of right and wrong is offended. The woman is being evicted because she is "disturbing" people. She is reacting exactly opposite to my friend ********, who withdrew into depression. jacquie is hitting out in frustration,..."

THANK YOU!!!!! This is the first time someone has come forward and said they SEE the situation,.... they know it's wrong,... and they did something about it,... THIS is all I have been asking for all along. Just fairness,.... Thank you,... thank you,... thank you,...

I did wrong. Absolutely I behaved in a terrible manner. I own that. I apologize. It really isnt' me,.... but this system has beat me down so badly I dont' even see a reaason to live anymore. It's just too hard!!!!! Wondering how long I will actually get to live here.

But yet,... I am such a monster I need to be evicted,....

THIS is what it is like 'living down here' in poverty. You are a number and you are disposable at the stroke of a pen on a government employees desk,.... you throw a fob?? Your evicted!!!!!

That is a lot of power. And I'm tired of them abusing it.

I wrote to OHIP and told them of my wish to got through MAIDS but I dont have a doctor. I asked if they could help me get one just to go through MAIDS. I sent that yesterday and am now awaiting their reply.

I do not wish to live anymore. 

This world has changed and it is no l onger kind or fair.

I'm done living under others,... if I can't be free,... then I dont' want to exist at all,.. I am not living with the threat of eviciton all the time,....

So I won't,...

I plan to be dead by Christmas.

Was the threatening eviction letter worth it housing????? or do you even care what you do to people? As long as you do your job,... right?????? to hell with the consequences of scaring people into thinking they are being evicted,.... INHUMANE!!!