Just want to die now

 Today started off ok. The storm has passed. I have been up most of the night. Just stress,.... thinking,.... can't cope anymore. And it's literally making me ill. My blood pressure is so high I stopped checking it when it passed 180,... don't want to know anymore.

I am going to be brutally honest. I dont want to die. But I can't live anymore. This poverty and living under the system is just too much. I have decdied to die even though I dont' want to.

But I can't find a place to live and I refuse to live here. But apparently the only escape out of Ontario Housing is DEATH.

I dont want  doctor anymore,...

I dont' even care if my kids come back or not,... I'm tired of being the bad one and they are never wrong,....  they either love me or they don't and they ovviosuly dont But I will always believe they have been influenced in thier feelings about me. They wont admit it but they have had thier father and step mother and aunt and uncle whispering in their ears for years,..... poor poor girls such a horrible monster of a mother,.... we feel you and we are on your side,....

I am tired and just want to die.

NOONE should have to fight for health care,... or a home. But I have been forced to have to fight for both on a continual basis over and over again. The threats of eviction I just won't accept. It's inhumane and not a nice way to deal with human beings. To them we are low life scum that need to be kept in linbe they are so hoirrible. And I wont do it anymore.

I hate Canada for what it has done to me (threw me away and left me to rot)

I hate my family for throwing me away because I'm mentallly ill.

I hate my friends for giving up on me becasue of ONE FUCKING COMMENT on Facebook and believing I meant it about them! Insulting. It was never about them,....

I hate the world and I dont want to be in it anymore.

My cremation plans have been sent today for me to sign and I can't sign it fast enough. The sooner I am cremated and scattered in the wind where noone has to ever deal with the mentally ill monster ever again can't be soon enough.

I hate this whole society for making me feel absolutely hated and unloved and unwanted,....

I hate my life and that is why I am ending it.

And NONE OF YOU can say a damn fucking thing as I asked for help but not one of you picked up the phone to give me any support at all. IGNORED

 ***crickets*** 

Like I dont even exist,..... you all want to treat me like I dont' exist??? Then it's time I dont',....