The only choice I have now is death

Today has not been a good day. Both of my hands are in agony right now leaving me unable to use them. They are so mangled and in so much pain that I couldn't even take the top off of the tooth paste this morning. And my tolerance for this pain is not good today. I am spiralling with it. It's relentless and I just can't bear it anymore.

When I got hit by the car, my hands were grasping the handles on my walker. The force of the car actually squished them leaving them in pain. The accident was nearly 2 years ago now and I am finding my hands have gotten WORSE.

I can't take the lid off of apple juice,...

I can't take the lid off of my iced tea,...

I couldn't get the pull-tab lid off the cat food this morning so had to give them dry food instead,...

I can't take care of myself anymore without help!!!!

I don't have the strength or dexterity to do anything with them anymore. And this leaves me desperate. How do you care for yourself when you can't use your hands? Showering was so painful today it left me in tears.

I have hit my limit with pain. And I can't take anymore. 

I also woke up very weak. So weak, I took my blood pressure and it is high. I took it 3 times and all 3 were in the 170's which is too high. But I am not calling for help. WHY? They don't do anything. I need a family doctor for consistant steady care,... without it I just live in pain. A 62 yr old senior NEEDS A FUCKING DOCTOR! without one life is too unbearable with pain.

So I dont' think I am even going to make it to have a will. I jsut want to end it now. I just can't bear this pain any longer. I just need to die NOW!!!!!!!

What kind of society leaves a person in pain without the use of their hands to fend for themselves???

I give up,... not suffering one more fucking minute. i asked for help but got none

So none of you can say a damn fucking thing about what I do now

YOU don't have to walk in my shoes,.... I DO and it's just too fucking hard now.

I dont' need a will,.... who cares what happens to my shit when i die. Who the fuck cares,... the government can take it all,... they have controlled my every move for the past 5 years so they may as well steal my money too,...

I can't tell you how much I fucking hate this town.

You can't survive in Fergus Ontario if you are poor or have no doctor.

The only choice I have now is suicide