There is a guy here I have known for nine years now. He is very similar to me when it comes to our situation. We are both 'different' with our own issues. We are both alone with no family. We both lack a support system. Which is my biggest issue in life ~ no family or friends to help when you need the support. Facing life alone has it's own sad reality.
This person was just diagnosed with cancer. He is in a horrible situation. He had surgery where they kicked him out of the hospital the same day. He had no help or support for his recovery. Which ended up to be overwhelming for him. Then he got hit with the news that he has cancer. But instead of sympathy and support - he got crickets. NOONE CARED. He has two sisters - nothing from them. He never hears from his family just as I never hear from mine. At a time in his life where he needs love,... care,... and support,.... he was thrown away to fend for himself and rot.
So he came into the gazebo understandably upset. But being the person he is - his upset was to come into the gazebo and tell everyone he is not going to go through chemo as noone cares anyway. He then said he just wants to die now. (sound familiar?). Instead of sympathy for his situation - people said he was annoying and left him alone.
The man is in crisis and people threw him away. In the end,... the cops came and took him away. That was 3 days ago and noone has heard from him since. So it looks like he has ben thrown into Homewood.
This is so typical behaviour of society. Throw us away and leave us to fend for ourselves but when we get mad or angry about this life situation -nwe get thrown in Homewood for our 'behaviour'. Well maybe is someone cared about us in the first place - we wouldn't have to feel so unworthy and useless and angry at life and we wouldn't have bad behaviour. But when noone is listening to you - sometimes you lose it and become overwhelmed and you act out inapproritaely. But thats not our choice - thats out LAST ditch effort to get someone to hear us. but instead of hearing us - they throw us in Homewood for bad behaviour.
I am alone. i am isolated and I am miserable. But noone cares. As long as they don't have to walk my life,... then they can turn their heads and pretend they don't see how bad the situation is. And when I become angry and lose my temper - then they can say it's all my fault.
But let me be clear. My 'behaviour' is years of being made to feel like a useless - worthless NOBODY. When i was in crisis or needed support - noone was there. It was my fault so I need to deal with it myself. No love,... no sympathy,... just criticism for being different.
My heart goes out to my friend R****. He is so lost and alone at a time when a 'normal' person would be treated with kindness and care. But becasue we are 'different' we are blamed for our situation. WE caused it ourselves so go away and cope alone.
And that is exactly what I am doing. Coping alone.
I am at the end now. Done coping alone. Done begging for benefits and charities only to have them taken away when you need them the most. I am done living this UNDIGNIFIED LIFE where I have to prove annually that I am so poor I need their benefit or charity to survive. And for what? Absolutely ZERO positivity in my life. Just hate,... boredom and feeling utterly worthless.
The "normal" people have no fucking idea what life down here in poverty and mental illness is like.
Noone wants us - so we are alone.
Feeling like we are the most worthless people in the world.
I am DEFINITELY going to end my life.
Becasue this isnt' living ~ it's actually TORTURE
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