Paralyzed

It's dark. A storm is rolling in. I am standing outside on my balcony. Three floors up I can see quite far as the clouds drop. They hang like a sagging belly down to the ground. As dark as the sky is, the sun is shining behind me. It throws this electric light off as it glints off of shiny surfaces. The hydro wires look like they are lit up infront of the dark sky behind it. It's a breathtaking sight. I love storms. I quite often go outside and watch them. Tonight I could feel the ominous clouds closing in. The air close,... the humidity like rain on my skin. Lightening flashes all around me. One is starting before the other has finished. The whole scene is breathtaking. But I am paralyzed. I can't move. My body stunted in depression. I don't know how long I stood there watching the storm. Rain soaked me. Lightening flashed around me. A constant rumble of thunder resonated through the air. Yet still,... I couldn't move. Frozen.

My body is shutting down. Overwhelmed from the past few months. Exhausted. I am mentally shutting down. I no longer go out. I no longer talk to people. Instead I crave the mundane quietness of my apartment. Isolated. I don't have to function here. I can just ~ exist. Breath. Paralyzed in my black fog.

I don't think I am going to recover from this one.