I pray for death so the suffering can end

I think this BC scam was the end of me. I can't recover from this.

I am living in an aprtment that isn't mine. The new things aren't mine. It's cold and uninviting and it feels like I am living in a hotel. I don't feel at home here at all.

I don't have a life anymore. I don't bring in enough money to pay rent and still get food. I live in severe poverty. New furniture is not going to change that. Infact,... once the settlement money runs out ~ I am fucked and can't afford this apartment anymore and I will lose it all over again.

So buying all this new stuff is just redundant as I will be losing it all over again in a few months when I have run out of money and can't afford to live here.

I am in severe pain today. It's so distracting that I can't function. And my useless arm and hand is getting worse. 

I NEED a doctor and without one I will never get the help I need.

My life is now just sitting alone in an aprtment that doesn't feel like it's mine. I am just waiting for the money to run out and to know my life has come to an end.

I can't afford to survive anymore and I can't take losing everything I own one more time,...

I just dont' have it in me to continue on with a life I'm not even happy in.

I just want to be dead now.

I am now waiting for the mental health MAiD criteria to start. 2027 they will allow severe mental health to be used as a need for ending my life. I will be FIRST in line to get murdered as this is no life,... this is actual hard work and suffering that I am too old to endure anymore.

I refuse to live a life where everyone hates me leaving me alone to fend for myself when I physically can't anymore.

Roll on 2027 so I can end my life through MAiD.

No doctor is coming,... no help is coming,... no more money is coming,.... I am fucked and my life is over.

I hate being alive and dream of death.

THATS how horrible my life is ~ I pray for death every single day.