Yesterday, Trintiy and I walked downtown again. I had to get to the bank to transfer money to my cousin back in BC to reinburse her for the cost of shipping all of my stuff back to Ontario. I am so grateful to her for taking the time to go and retrieve my stuff and then re-pack it and ship it back to me. It has not escaped me how much work this was. And it cost her $500. So I at least feel good that I got her paid back. But yet another large bill for the BC pipe-dream scam.
I am so depressed as I have been out buying things for my apartment. I had such beautiful stuff. MY stuff. Now,... I am having to replace everything but with cheap crap from the dollarstore and Walmart. What I had was good quality as I am a person who saves to get a better product. But it has become so expensive that I have resorted to buying the cheapest crap I can find.
It's so depressing. I HAD IT ALL already! But gave it all away,... now I have to buy it all back. I have spent over $5100,00 already of my settlement. I HATE that my settlement money is going to be wasted on rebuilding my apartment that was already perfect before I got rid of it all on a lie.
I was hoping to go on a vacation with that settlement money. A proper vacation at a resort. But now the money is gone,... slipping threw my fingers like water,.... WASTED on stuff.
What is left will be put aside to pay the rent as I dont' make enough money to pay that right now.
I had to get hit by a car and lose the use of my arm and hand to get enough money to survive after my BC disaster.
And this has left me quite angry and resentful.
All she had to do was NOT LIE and tell me the real facts. Becasue had I know this woman was in such a mess financially and that there never was a fuctioning B & B??? I would have stayed home. Had she told me she herself was suicidal and I was lured into a situation where she was mentally broken herself - I knew that would not have been a healthy option for me. But she LIED and kept all that info to herself UNTIL I GOT THERE. She used me for my rent money to try and save her home. I am really angry at this right now and don't know what to do with it. It just eats away inside of me. Every time I take out my debit card and buy yet another thing for my apartment I already had but gave away or sold ~ I feel anger.
I got royally scammed. If she had only been honest about her situation I would have known it was not a healthy option for me. But she lied,... and I got screwed and I am paying for it in a very big way.
My settlement money all went to surviving on the streets of BC and then rebuilding my life back in Ontario.
NO vacation for me. I havent been on a vacation in 25 YEARS and would have really appreciated a nice week or two away. Even if only at Port Stanley beach at a B & B would have been nice. But now,... the money is being wasted.
I cringe with anger everytime I use my debit card.
Nothing ever works out for me. And this leaves me feeling completey without hope.
Living on peanuts and using my settlement money to survive.
Today is Prime day. I ordered so much. Thousands of dollars trying to replace my apartment. I had problems last year with lost and cancelled orders as they were so busy. So fingers crossed I at least get what I ordered.
My heart is broken for my old stuff. It's all I had in this world and then it was gone.
Waste,... waste,... waste,...
I hope Dianne gets some help. The things she screamed at me about her being usicidal and her life being a mess ~ she will never admit now. She THREATENED ME with assault in one of her rages,... that is unacceptable and actually scared me as it showed me how she loses control so easily. That is what scared me - the threat of assualt. But the other things she said when she was raging and out of control proved to me she is a very sick woman who needs help. Sadly her world is sinking. But why did she have to bring me down with her??? I don't even think she realizes or will admit the damage she has caused me. I hope she gets some REAL professional help. She admit to me how sick she is,... but I'm the one who lost everything and suffered. NOT HER. And that leaves me resentful and angry and I don't know what to do with this anger.
It is eating my up inside.
Angry at her for not being transparent about what I was getting into,.. and angry at myself for allowing her to charm me into thinking I was getting paradise,... I was a fool and she used me hook, line and sinker,... and I was not the only one she RUINED!
What do I do with all this anger and resentment????
This whole situation has left me in RUINS
I lost everything. Not only stuff,... but my children and good friends. And that cost was just way too high.
My life is in ruins and I am too old and too tired and too depressed to even care to fix it anymore,... my furniture is still UNMADE all over my floor. I just can't be bothered to even try and put it together anymore.
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