They should just throw me out with the trash when I die

I sit here tonight broken hearted. I have contacted the crematorium to make my final resting plans. I did everything I need to do except one thing. Tell them the name of the person they need to contact who will be collecting my remains. I didn't tell them because I have noone. I have done nothing today but think about my final plans. And I have come to the sad conclusion that there won't be anyone to pick up my ashes once cremated. Noone would want them. To know in your heart that there isn't one person on this planet who would want to have your remains. NOT ONE.

So they said I would have to have a replacement plan then. To be interned somewhere. But this too causes me conflict. I have no place to be buried. I tried with my grandfather but I didn't have the correct paperwork. This is the only cemetary i have any connection to at all. But I can't be buried with my grandfather.

So I thought long and hard. Where would I want to be buried? The twins are buried in Brampton but they are in an infant section. Only babies are allowed to be buried in that section. So really this is the only place I have any connection to at all. But I hate Brampton. I don't want to be buried there alone,... I am heart broken to realize that even in death there is no place for me,... I can't decribe to you the deep pain this fills me with. Even in death I was alone and had nowhere to go,.... no funeral,... no gathering,... just a secret burial in a grave that noone will even know is there,.... I can't help but feel a deep sadness that my life has been a complete waste. 

How sad that I am made to make my own arrangements. How sad that I will be buried alone in a cemetary I have no connection with. Noone will ever know I am there. 

They should have a cemetary just for lost souls,... people who had a hard life with no loved ones,... here I would finally belong,...

So I have a few days to think about where I want to be buried,... 

But I don't know,.... I just don't belong anywhere,.... so I have no idea where to bury my body.

Maybe I should just pay a stranger to pick them up and they can just throw them in the garbage,....

a life noone wanted put to rest where she belongs. In the garbage.