To a new beginning

Another good night. Molly left me alone and I got a great nights sleep. Bliss.

I have woken up in a good mood for the first time in a very long time. Because over the past few days, I have been making plans. And after talking with a few people, I realize I CAN get away from this place and I WILL get away from this toxic enviroment.

It CAN happen.

So I have a few things my friend suggested I do and then we search for a new apartment but this time it will be north of highway 9. I am done with city living. I want to go to a rural area. My friend Beth is very familiar with the area I am looking to move to as she was a real estate agent for that area. She even specialized in seniors and downsizing and even wrote books on it. She was a wealth of information. We tossed around ideas and thoughts and in the end I think I decided to just move up north where life is a tiny bit cheaper and therefore (hopefully) a bit easier. And that is my homework for today.

Looking for an apartment north of hwy 9 that is $2000 or under.

If anyone reading this can help me out in any way,... please get in touch. Information is gold and I would appreciate the help.

For the first time in YEARS! I had a good birthday and I am even looking forward to other holidays. That includes CHRISTMAS. I haven't celebrated Christmas in a while as I have been alone. But this year, I plan on having a lovely little Chirstmas. Not a big celebration, but I will decorate a little (as much as you can with a kitten!) and I will make a nice dinner.

I can't believe that 2 months ago I was homeless and suicidal and just wanted to die. Today,... I have found hope. 

September 7th ~ my 62nd birthday ~ is the first day of my fresh start. And this time, things WILL change. I won't let the "dianne's" of this world scam me or take advantage of me this time. Now I have Beth and Trish to support me in this move. I know they will look out for me and my best interest.

Sad my family is gone and don't even want me,... but I have friends. DNA means nothing sometimes. Over the years it's been friends who have come to help me - not family. Infact when I got back from BC. Traumatized and homeless,... all i wanted was a hug from my family. But instead I got "How could you do this to us?" and was told to fuck off and never come back.

So that is what I am doing,... it is time to break ties altogether with my girls. I have tried to have a relationship but it wasn't meant to be. So it is time to let it go and move on. I love and miss my daughters more than anyone will know. But i am tired of being the mentally ill monster who is always doing wrong,.... letting them go and no longer have to feel worthless.

Today I start fresh. A strong independent woman starting a new life.

You can knock me down,.... several times,.... but I always seem to get back up fighting,... I dont' know where this strength comes from. Maybe it's not strength at all. maybe I just hasd no choice and had to cope. But no more,... now I take charge of my life.

No more Ontario Housing

No more bullies like Darren and Mark

No more gossips and liars using people for their entertainment

No more Fergus,.... 

No more family pointing thier fingers in my face demeaning me into feeling suicidal,....

All gone,....

September 7th 2025 is my new beginning. This time next year i will be up north with new friends and Molly.