I'm deflating a little bit

I've had a slow start to today. I'm having a bad pain day. I knew it was coming after my marathon walk getting groceries yesterday. All that pushing my heavy walker. So I took some edibles before bed last night so I could sleep, but that has caused me to feel quite drowsy today. It's the reason I don't like edibles as they always leave me sluggish. So I have just had a pajama day today.

I took the opportunity to talk again with my friend Beth for more ideas. She threw out Kingston as an idea to move. I looked it up and I love it. I have been to Kingston before and loved it. So I got looking for apartments and there are cheaper ones I could afford. But my friend Beth reminded me of one problem I am going to have. As soon as renters see I am on ODSP they won't want to rent to me. Infact, I think she is right. I think I am going to have a very difficult time acquiring a rental with my budget. 

This is BLATANT discrimination of the poor. I am so poor I can't even secure an apartment. Even if I can afford it and pay rent every month. I won't get the unit.

I may not be able to move as noone will rent to me on ODSP.

This has made my heart sink a bit. But it hasn't discouraged me entirely. When I want something I will find a way to make it happen. If I have to pay them one years rent up front I will. (I will have help with this from someone if I have to) Anything to secure an apartment. I may have to do the basement apartment route which I really never wanted to do again. With my mental illness living with bright windows is important to my health. Dark basements leave me depressed.

What to do? 

Why do I never have the choices that others seem to have????

Because I'm poor and mentally ill,... that's why.

I'm deflating a bit knowing if I can't get out of this building I will suffocate and die.

I HAVE to get out of here,... there must be someone out there who has a granny flat or cabin or tiny house or something they can rent me,...

I'm starting to get that nagging feeling that there just isnt' a place for me on this planet.

Everyone just says no,...

Theres got to be someone out there who will give me a chance.

I can't stay in this building