Noone will rent to me because I'm too poor

Definitely having a pain day today. But I can't just stay in pj's as I have to walk Murphy across the street to his first vet appointment. So I have had to get up and shower regardless of pain. 

I heard through the grapevine (meaning it could be true or it could be nothing) that Mark feels bad about yelling at me and would like to apologize. Heres what I really think about this situation.

When Mark first moved here, I thought he was a nice guy. I actually didn't mind sitting in the gazebo chatting with him. It wasn't until Darren and I had our huge blow out a few years ago that he sided with Darren and turned into an asshole.

When I met Darren, I was bubbly and chatty and laughed all the time. A few years of hanging out with Darren ~ and I turned dark. Darren is anti-cops,... anti-government,.... just anarchy,... he has no problem telling a 93 year old woman to fuck off and actually thinks he is in the right doing it. (His neighbour beside him is 93 and he told her son to fuck off and that he doesn't care if he is bothering Denise with his constant raging,...) Over the few years I was with him, I turned dark and paranoid and hated people just because Darren did. He does it over time and very subtly. You just wake up one day and realize you are dark. Your thoughts are dark. You have turned against society and have become miserable. He does that to you without you even noticing. He sucks you in to all his hates and talks about them every single day so you get to believe you hate these people too. When infact, I hadn't even met the people he was always raging on about. (His past best friend and that guys family who took him in). He really does suck you in to his darkness.

And I think this has happened with Mark. I think when he is with Mark he just constantly complains about what I did to him. (and all I did was call the humane society on him for abusing his cat) sucking Mark into that drama. I think Darren complained so bad it got to Mark and he had to come out to the gazebo and rage on me. Blaming me for upsetting the precious Darren. I honestly believe that without Darren ~ Mark would be a nice guy. He WAS a nice guy. Until he chose to believe Darren. 

And from what I hear through the grapevine,... people have heard what he did to me and are turning against him. I know of 3 women who have said the exact same thing I am saying. he USED to be nice,... what happened? Darren Green happened. And since our blow up? He has turned all my gazebo friends against me.

But now?I don't give a shit. I dont' want anything to do with either one of those guys. They are now invisable to me and no longer exist. I almost feel bad for Mark as he has no idea what is happening to him. And he won't until Darren turns on him too. And that will happen becasue he can't control his anger. One day he will turn on Mark too. but it will be too late. He has already lost respect from a lot of the women in this building when they heard what he did to me. I didn't even tell anyone. So karma is in the works. I knew if I just retreated,... shut up,.... and stay inside it would all blow over. 

But even then ~ I will never step foot in that disgusting gazebo ever again. You can keep your drama. I'll stay safe inside.

As for Mark? I feel for him. Becasue he will come to his senses just like I did someday. but it will be too late. I will never accept his apology and I will never think of him as descent human being ever again. He screamed at me at the top of his lungs for 11 full minutes. I was scared.

But ~ enough of that. 

Back to moving. It looks like the only way I am going to secure an apartment or rental is to have a friend rent to me. Becasue as far as I am finding out ~ if your on ODSP? landlords wont' even call you back. And they definitely wont' rent to you.

So I am trapped again. I have tried so hard to claw my way out of the system but it keeps on finding ways to throw me back. And here I am back,... 

You know that Lily Allen song? "Everythings just wonderful" she sing:

Oh Jesus Christ almighty

Do I feel alright, no not slightly

I wanna get a flat, I know I can't afford it

It's just a bureaucrats who won't give me a mortgage

It's very funny 'cos I got your fucking money

And I'm never gonna get it, just because of my bad credit

Oh well I guess I musn't grumble

I suppose this is the way the cookie crumble

I keep singing that one line over and over again,... "It's very funny 'cos I got your fucking money and I'm never going to get it, just because of my bad credit"

Anyone who knows me - KNOWS I can stretch a penny like it's elastic. On my income tax for 2024 my total income was only $13,000. If I can live off of that,... I can live off of anything. And I can certainly afford their damn rentals. But because - on paper - I am poor and on ODSP - I will never be given an apartment.

So again,... i say my famous quote that lost me all my friends,...

"The middle class have it so much easier than we do down here"

I can afford your apartment ~ but noone will give me a chance and rent to me. I have been renting for nearly 20 years and have only ever missed ONE rental payment which I paid a few days late. I am responsible and a good tenant.

But noone will rent to me becasue I'm poor on ODSP.

I am going to be stuck in this horrible prison forever,....

I can't accept that,... I won't live here,...

Someone, somewhere can help me,... I just have to find that someone,...

Please let me move away from this prison

Dont tell me we don't have a housing crisis in Ontario!!!!! Your safe if your middle class,... but us down here get thrown away to rot,...

NO APARTMENT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!