It went down - phewwwwww

 I'm not going to lie. My blood pressure was so high this morning I was quite concerned. But luckily it has come down enough I no longer have to worry about calling anyone. Now it is just sitting at it's 'normal' high 166/108. Still not good,... but it's out of the danger zone now. 

So, after my routine ocd clean, I am now sitting watching football. My two little kittens have worn each other out and are sound asleep. I've made a coffee and I'm just about to sit down to watch tv. It's GAME DAY. My team doesn't play until tomorrow so I am just watching other league games. Tomorrow Manchester United play their rivals in the Manchester Derby - Manchester City. It's always a great game when these two teams come together. 

I still haven't managed to walk into town to get that photo copy of my ID to send to the National Disability Benefit office. Walking into town has always been one of those things I have to wait until everything aligns. The weather and my pain level. And because of that I haven't managed to get out. So I have that in the back of my mind. Leaving me anxious. 

I've been surfing online for rentals up North and I am confident that I will be able to get something. But it will be really north. Thunder Bay,... Sudbury,... but considering I hav e no ties to anyone or anything it really doesn't matter where I end up. I will be alone regardless. So may as well be alone where I can better afford life. I don't think I will end up moving until the spring but I can certainly start my search now for a new place.

I REFUSE to live in this hell hole. I went to BC to escape this place. Just because I am back doens't mean anything has changed. I am still the hated person here and that has made it immpossible for me to survive here. You need friends,... aquaintances,... people to chat with. But here I do nothing but hide trying to avoid nasty people.

I will not survive if I stay here. I WILL break down and commit suicide. I just can't take it here. I have no choice but to escape for my own sanity. Just yesterday I was doing my laps in the hall when I had to listen to Darren have one of his famous rages. This time it was his video game. For my whole 10 laps he raged about his video game. The guy is black cloud of anger. Hearing him - yet again - just reiterated how much I need to get the hell out of here.

So the countdown is on,... I need to find an apartment for $1300 - $1500 a month by spring. Sounds immpossible I know but it HAS to be found. I will NOT be living here next year. NOT. NOT. NOT.

Some good news? I had 3 people hear what Mark did to me (I only told 2 friends and housing but it must have got around) and they made the effort to come to me and tell me they do not feel the same way Mark and Darren do and they were mad that he lumped them in with "everybody hates you" I guy and 2 women let me know they don't agree with Mark and they feel bad what he is doing. But as you can guess, noone does anything becasue he's Mark. 6 ft 7 Mark. So he got away with being a bully and chasing me right out of my own home. 

But now going to dwell on the past. Only look forward. New kittens,... new aprtment,... new town,.... fresh start.

So roll on spring,... cuz I have to get the hell out of this building.

It's toxic