I was having such a great day too!

I guess this is just my life,... something good happens only to be balanced out with something negative. 

I have not been taking my medication. Why? Because of something I have never told anyone. I was robbed in BC and all my meds were stolen. I had gotten a 3 month supply to take with me. But when I was in the homeless camp,... I was sitting by myself on my walker with all my belongings around me. I was sitting on a road amoung about 200 other homeless. A guy came up to me and without even looking at me, picked up my backpack and started going through it. I yelled at him and tried to take it back but he pulled a knife. So I literally stood there watching him steal half the stuff out of my backpack. Noone around me helped or even cared. I was smart enough to keep my purse (which is a tiny backpack) omy chest UNDER my hoodie so he didn't see it. That had all my money in it so thankfully that was safe. But he took my medication. 3 months worth. I was so low at the time I just took it. I just let him. I didn't cry out. I didn't say anything to anyone. I just let him. So it has left me with guilt and shame that I just let him.

And now that I am back in Ontario - I have no meds. And I just haven't replaced them since I got back as I was so depressed I wanted to end my life. But now,... I want to live.

But it is 1:00 in the morning and I was woken up not by kittens, but a pressure headache. I got up and made coffee and took my blood pressure. 191/121. As far as I knew - that reading is dangerous. I SHOULD be calling an ambulance. But I already have a bill over $500 for damn ambulances. I refuse to have to pay $45 for health care that everyone else gets free.

Now I am reading on the community pages here in Fergus that people are getting doctors when they aren't even on the Health Connect list. So doctors are by-passing using the health care list we are all on WAITING and taking patients other ways. I know as the folk in this group are saying things like "I got in Dr so and so becasue my neighbour got me in,..." 

I've been on that list for YEARS!!! WAITING! So why are others getting doctors while I'm still waiting???

This provinces health care is fucked.

I am 62 with severe high blood pressure,... fibromyalgia,... mental illness amoung only a few of the things I am dealing with yet no doctor. And calling the walk-in????

Good fucking LUCK,.... I can never get through,....

So here I am with a headache,.... nausea,... and a blood pressure in the dangerous zone. I have 2 brand new 10 week old kittes here so I can't call 911 even if I wanted to.

So I have no idea what is going to happen as I honestly do not feel well. My head is pounding and I feel 'spacy' when I get up. I KNOW something is going on but - NO FUCKING DOCTOR

I am not asking for an all expenses paid trip to Australia! I just want what everyone else seems to have but I can't get,.... It really does make me feel like I am just not worth it to anyone.

And apparently those on the waiting list for one get by-passed. WHO is in control of who gets a doctor?????

I am def going to die of a stroke or heart attack if I don't get a doctor and some CONSISTENT health care.

I don't know what the fuck happened to this country but it has declined. SEVERELY. I am 62 - living in legislated poverty with no doctor and no transportation. 

This society has thrown me away.

So when they find me dead on the floor or completely incapacitated from a stroke,.... don't ever fucking say "Why didn't she go to a doctor,..."

BECASUE IT WAS TOO FUCKING HARD OR EXPENSIVE

Maybe I'll be alive in the morning,... but maybe I won't. Only fate knows. 

And sadly I have no fucking control over my health care.

I hate this fucking town and I cannot wait to get the hell out of here.