When I got home I had a call from a woman here in my building. I have been chatting with her a bit over the past few months. She told me only the gazebo is awful. She has suggested I stay here. Not move away. She will introduce me to her friends here in the building who are lovely people. I just haven't met them as I am forced to sit out in that damn gazebo as it's the smoking area. I told her how everyone hates me and she said thats not true at all. Just ignore Mark and Darren. Pretend they are invisable and don't exist (exactly what I had said) and just start fresh. Hmmmmm It's soomething to think about. But the other reason I wanted out of Fergus is my daughter and brother live here too. With a population of about 25,000 I am bound to run into them here and there. Right now I don't becasue I am purposely hibernating inside. Isolating,... not seeing anyone. But if I am to have a fresh start I want to go outside. Living here is just - bad memories and no hope. I really did want a fresh start in a different city or town where none of my family live.
But,... never say never. Everything is an option right now. And I actually have people to talk to about it now and get their opinions and support. After BC, whatever I do, I won't be doing it in haste. I am definitely open to suggestions as it's a big world out there and I am so hiden from it all. Naive. I am very open to anyone with ideas for a better life. I have committed myself to stay alive and live now that I have adopted these kittens. I owe them however many years they remain on this planet. But for me to do that, things have to change.
This woman who called me was talking about how there are a lot of lonely people in this building. That I knew,... so after she hung I got to thinking. We have a common room here we can book for social events or different things. What if,... what if we started a once a week (or month) club where the people can help the community. By making up emergency toiletry bags for not only the homeless, but for the domestic violence women in shelters or for folk going into Homewood. I once ended up in St. Thomas phychiatric hospital naked from a failed overdose. I had nothing. I was in a different city than I lived and knew no one. But some church in that community had made up these emergency toiletry bags and that bag was the difference between brushing my teeth and showering and not. I was very grateful someone had taken the time out to make up these bags. What if I was to start a program where we do something like that. Winter is coming and cabin fever sets in fast when you live alone. This would get us out once in awhile and give us something to do.
So I called our volunteer organization and left a message for someone to call me. Becasue I am sure there is something already set up doing this. (why invent the wheel twice?) If there is we can just expand it to the people in this building. It's a win-win.
It doesn't even have to be that. Anything. I will wait to hear back from that group before making any plans as I'm sure we just have to be connected to an already up and running program.
I refuse to spend one more winter depressed - lonely - and bored out of my mind. I HAVE to do something.
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