Only a few weeks away now,....
But I have yet another problem - even in death noone wants me. I have been calling around to find out how to get cremated once I am gone. But it is looking like I need someone to pick up my ashes or I can't get it done.
Again,... being alone is going to cost me.
I don't want my family to know when I die. They don't deserve to.
So I am making my own plans and paying for them upfront. God forbid my children end up having to "pay" for my burial. We'd never hear the end of it. No,... I dont' plan on involving any of my family. I am not having them judge me in death too. They had their chance to be in my life ~ but they decided I was a monster and couldn't be liked. So they don't get to play the martyre in my death too. I have written a suicide note with my last wishes and one of those wishes is my family do not get ANY SAY in my death. I don't even want them to KNOW that I have died.
I am isolated and alone making me feel like the most unwanted person in the world. They dont' get to make themselves feel better once I'm gone. They hurt me - they get to live with that.
I had no idea how expensive it is to die. So it looks like most of my money will be spent taking care of my death anyway. So noone will get my money as there wasn't enough after expenses to give anyone anything.
But what will happen to me once I am gone? I emailed my grandfathers cemetary to see if I could be buried there. But there is just too much red tape to go through. I would have to get deeds and other legal stuff and I can't get that. So I can't get buried with the one and only real family I have. My grandfather Victor Holyoak.
So now what happens to me? I can't help feeling like GARBAGE. Noone ever wants to take the garbage out,.... and in my case there isn't anyone to take the garbage out. I have to take my own garbage out and pay for it myself.
So that is todays goal. Get my cremation and burial bought and paid for so noone can turn around and say they got "stuck" paying for my death. Fuck you girls,... I will not allow you to even pretend you care. becasue your actions showed me you dont' and you never did and you never will,.... you actually hated me. And I felt it every text and phone call you wouldn't take. So fuck you girls,... you can live with the fact you broke my fucking heart and I couldn't live with being the hated monster you guys made me. You won't even know I am dead,... you don't deserve to.
So i guess my settlement money will come in handy afterall,...
I can now afford to take the garbage out when i die,...
and we only have a few weeks left on the countdown so i better get these plans made today.
There is no place for me on this planet. EVERYONE knew I was struggling but everyone turned their heads,....
fuck you all,....
Noone is even going to know where I am buried,..
I was born unwanted and lived unwanted and you all let me know just how much you thought I was a monster. You dont get to feel bad once I'm gone.... YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD AND I COULDN'T BEAR IT ANYMORE.
Noone can seem to help find me a place to live,....
noone wants me,...
so I am not spending one more holiday alone.
The date is set,... everything ready to go,...
unless one person picks up that phone and calls me or knocks on my door to show me I am worthwhile,...
then in less than 3 weeks I will be dead.
And nothing will stop me now as the silence has been deafening,...
I am the most unwanted worhtless piece of shit on this planet and my family is the one who has made me feel this way.
So fuck you all,... I DID try,... but I got thrown away once again,...
roll on December **th 2026. My last fucking date on this planet.
And it can't come quick enough,...
P,S. I got my OFFICIAL letter from the governement saying I dont get their fucking benefit. nice,..... just another reason why,....
I won't need your fucking benefit where I'm going anyway,.....
No comments:
Post a Comment