I just want to disappear now. So I have been throwing more of my stuff away. The new rule is if I haven't used it in the past year ~ it goes in the garbage. In other words I only want stuff around now that I use everyday. Everything else is just a reminder of the life I HAD but no longer have. It's too painful to look at. Family pictures,... personal stuff,... anything that showed a hint of who I was and what I was about is now all gone.

Just bare walls and half empty cupboards.

And I am not done yet. Next,... my storage unit. ALL GOING IN THE GARBAGE.

When I die and I am finally found,... my apartment will be empty. There will be nothing of any personal value left. If the girls think they are going to get all my pictures and writing,... etc,... they will be wrong. It will all be in the garbage. If they wanted anything,... they could have come and got it while I was alive. But I was too much of a mentally ill monster for me to be allowed in their life. 

SO THEY GET NOTHING. There wont' even be a phone,... laptop or wallet left. I will make sure that when I leave this world NOTHING will be left behind. 

If you wanted it ~ you could have been in my life and had it,...

So tough shit. You get nothing. 

When I am gone my place will look like I never even existed. My daughters will not have to lift a finger or be put out in any way. I would hate for them to now tell people that I left a mess and they had to deal,...

I leave nothing,... I was worth NOTHING! So i leave this world with NOTHING!

Gone,... hated,... unwanted,... unloved,... 

You can all rest in peace

I AM GONE and so is anything left from my life. EMPTY,.... no longer in existence,....

I was a NOBODY!!!!!!!! and now I am gone and noone will ever see me again.

I no longer exist