I can't believe that after all I am feeling and going through,.... the CUNT is still gossiping about me. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET THIS BITCH TO SHUT THE FUCK UP about me???? I have purposely isolated myself away to HIDE from her and the rest of the world. So she wont see me and find something to cause drama about. I thought sequestering myself away and NOT TALKING TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING would stop the gossip. Out of sight,... out of mind,.... but it didn't.

Instead I heard her out in the hall talking to other people about me. Apparently she knows exactly what is going on with me. I am mentally ill and going through a crisis and suicidal.

Heres a question for you Tonya,... I have not voiced this to a single human soul on this planet. The absolute ONLY place that was ever voiced was in this blog. So how did YOU know????

She is STILL READING THIS BLOG! She must be subscribed under a fake name and email and still getting my entries. This blog is the only communication I have with anyone,... anywhere. My mouth has been sealed shut for the whole month of October. I have not uttered a word to one person in this building. And that was by design. That was on purpose. If I don't talk,... they can't say anything. But she did. She told the whole floor of people standing in front of her door (I think there was 3 or them there) and told them I am suffering from a mental health breakdown. 

This is absolute PROOF that this cunt is stalking me by reading this blog.

WHY?????? And more to the point,.... what do I have to do to get this bitch to shut the fuck up???????

I can't escape this woman. Her whole goal in life seems to be to tell as many people as she can - anything she can ~ to upset me. Its fucking entertainment to her. 

My door happened to be open again when I heard her. She was in absolute HEAVEN being the centre of attention. The other minions listening attentively and "oh'ing" and "aw'ing" about how awful it is for me. 

These bitches stood there and listened to Tonya tell them all about my private life and hell. And she enjoyed every word she uttered. She was in her glory.

WHO DOES THIS? It's mean and destructive,.... but I guess thats the fucking point isn't it. She wants me to be hated and she is doing a great job at getting people to believe. 

My mental health struggle is private and my struggle alone. It is NONE OF HER FUCKING BUSINESS. 

I can't fight this. I am absolutely destroyed that she has done this to me. Taken my blog - which is obviously very personal and painful - yet she delighted in telling eveyone what is going on with me.

I'm sorry,... I am not a violent person. Infact I have never hit anyone in my life. But in this moment, I wanted to march down that hall and go up and punch her right in the face. How dare you you bitch,.... shut your mouth about other people and their problems. THEY ARE NOT YOUR PROBLEMS AND THEREFORE NOT YOUR BUSINESS. But I didn't. Because I have learned that you can't win against people who are determined and make it a game to destroy you. You just take it and lose. Which is what I have done. She has me hiden away in my own apartment hiding,...

So now the whole building knows I am suicidal and in crisis. Yet,... heres a thought,... You tried to sound so 'concerned' Tonya,... yet you have not done a thing to help. If your so concerned and worried and pretending to care - (honestly she was talking like she was my friend and in my inner circle or something - privy to my whole life!) Telling all of them I was mentally ill and "tsk tsk,... isn't that terrible?" 

But instead of getting angry, I closed my door and cried. Now,... no one will ever take me seriously again. I will always be known now as this loser mentally ill monster that she has GOSSIPED to everyone about. The suicidal loser,...

No fucking privacy at all - I am open season.

So now I not only hate myself and my life - but I hate this woman so bad it makes me seeth inside with anger that she gets away with all of this. Flutters her little eyelashes faking 'concern' about someone when really she just wants people to know about their problems. A gossip of the worst fucking kind.

Now,... I will never leave my building again. I am so humiliated. Tonya Hallls had a field day discussing me and my private business to everyone. I can never show my face again I am that embarrassed they all know.

I can't tell you how angry and hurt this has made me.

I wan't to point out the type of people that live here. I got hit by a car and not one person came to ask how I was or if I needed help ~ which I did! I could really have used some help. But noone came because TONYA had already told everyone her and her friend ~ Diane Kreller ~ (the one who hit me) their side and or version. So not one person cared that I had been hit and really could have used some support. The woman who hit me used to live here and all her old friends and Tonya were more concerned about her getting sued than how I was physically and if I needed help. No concern for me at all. Just whether Diane will get sued. Thats all they were interested in. 

Tonya Halls made sure that people stayed away and stayed on 'her side' trying to get information out of me for Dianes lawyer instead. Under handed and really low,... but it did the trick. I went through that whole car accident alone with no support at all from ANYONE. They stayed away and gossiped instead. 

I will remember that always. Because I have helped numerous people in this building and yet never got help back. Different breed of people in this social housing building for sure.

But because of Tonyas big mouth and sharing everyhting in this blog - I am staying sequestered away. It is the only way I can protect myself. HIDE,... hide,.... hide,.... I just don't know what else to do,...

And this leaves me hating my life and myself even more. 

I can't help thinking that God is punishing me for being mentally ill and ruining my childrens lives.

But I am a monster so I guess I deserve it.

From here on in,... I live my life being punished for the mentally ill monster that I am.

I can only hope and pray my heart stops soon and I finally die of a heart attack. Then the world can all breath a sigh of relief,... but until that day comes,... no one will ever see me again. I am not going out to be a part of society ever again. It's just too painful.

OMG,... I just realized where I can get some fentanyl,... and it is so easy,.... shit,... why haven't I thought of this before??????

Gotta go,... I think I found out how to get my peace.

Hopefully soon this bitch will be dead and buried and will have gotten what she deserves,...

Because I am nothing but a monster!!!!

And I deserve to die!

P.S. Tonya Halls ~ you need to ask yourself why you can't stop reading this blog. WHY are you so obsessed with me that you will STALK me? Because I have asked you in this blog in past entries to have some decensy and give me my privacy and NOT to read this ~ But you continue to,... so that is stalking. Wanting to know what I am doing at all times is STALKING. So please ask yourself why you need to do this and then ~ get some help. You have literally made living here a MISERY for me - yet you continue to gossip,... why? You know I am at my absolute LOWEST ~ yet you try and push me over the edge,... why? What do you get out of hurting me? I just don't get it,....