Thursday, August 15, 2024

The worst part of my days are that they are loooooong,...... way too long. I spend all my time trying to find things to do to fill up all the empty hours. You can only watch so much tv before you have seen everything and then just start watching reruns. Anything I used to do cost money and or needs transportation. Neither of which I have. So I end up in my apartment alone watching tv hour after hour after hour. It's mind numbing!! I feel like my brain is turning to mush.

But today was one of the rare days that I was well enough to walk and the weather was perfect so I was able to get out for a walk. I went to WalMart, the dollar store and Freshco. I dipped into my saved money and got gorceries. I have been hearing a lot on the news of late about this Mpox. And I am a wee bit concerned that there may be lock-downs again in our future. I sure do hope not as I think this world is truly done and over with lock-downs! But I struggled during covid and all the lockdowns as my fridge and pantry were almost empty when it started. I had no reserves or stockpiles of anything. I ended up having to ration the food I had. This time I plan on being more prepared. With winter coming as well ~ a time I can almost never get out ~ it is time to start stock piling. Pantry foods and frozen foods mainly. The last thing I want is to have to struggle through another lockdown without groceries. I went to 3 different stores today. Becasue I don't have a car and have to walk I have to come home in-between each store to put away the stuff I bought. You can only carry so much on a walker. I always have to end up doing it in seperate trips. Inconvenient and sometimes hard work. but today the weather was perfect. So I took advantage and did as much as I could. Now I have my freezer and pantry about half stocked. I hope to keep making more trips over the next month. Once the wet and cooler weather comes I can't always get out.  

I was on my way outside today when I was standing infront of the elevator waiting to go down to the lobbly. The way the floorplan is the gossips door is driectly infront of the elevator. This means her doorbell camera sees everyone who uses the elevator. You can't excape her camera. She is on holiday and not home so I haven't even been bothering to record myself when I leave my unit. But today,... while I was standing there waiting for the elevator,... she must have been watching on her app wherever she is and she hit the speaker and started mouthing off to me! She's not even home!!! Yet, she is still spying on everyone on our floor. When she saw me she couldn't resist hitting the speaker and being a jerk. Is her life that boring that she has to watch her doorbell camera while shes away camping?? I'm sorry but as mean as it is to say,... that's just being a cunt. A nosy cunt. There is no need to harrass me through your doorbell camera when your not even in town! I just found it annoying. I still can't stand living here and I will do whatever it takes including death to get out of here.

Today I put the word out to a few people that I am looking for pain meds. I told them I don't have a doctor and the walk in doesn't prescribe painkillers ~ which is actually true ~ so I am forced to look for pain relief from the street. So a few of the gazebo folk said they would ask around. I really just have this overwhelming desire to die. I just feel like I am rotting in Gods waiting room ~ just waiting,.....

and the waiting is just getting too hard now.

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