Sundays used to be good,... now there just as empty as every other day

It is Sunday morning. For more years than I can remember Sunday mornings have always been Corontaion Street and Football. I have been watching the British soap for over 30 years now. Every Sunday morning I would settle in as the opening music so familiar to me would play. (Whah, whah, whah, whah, whah, whah,..) Maggie would cuddle up on my lap and with coffee in hand and I would sit back and enjoy my program. I have watched Coronation Street for so long, the characters feel like family. Once it is over I swtich over to football. The English Premier League. The new season for this started last weekend. So Sundays are probobly my best day of the week. I KNOW there is something on tv to pass the time. 

But lately, even these two cherished passions I don't seem to enjoy anymore. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore. I am just so empty.

I miss my family,.. A Mothers life is her children. Without them I have no life,... No role,... no purpose,... my heart aches for my children.

All I do now is think of the past. All the fun things I used to do that I can't anymore,... it's like the poor kid looking through the fence at the rich kids swimming at a pool party. Your not included yet it's there right infront of you. Taunting you,... letting you know your not good enough to join in. Infact this scenario is my life. I am on the outside ~ watching the rest of the world enjoy their lives while I sit alone watching. Not able to join in but can't hide from it. It's always out there reminding you that other people are good enough,... they get to have families and vacations and cars,... they get to have money to do things for fun,... 

I feel invisable. Unwanted. Unloved,...

Why is life so fucking hard? Im so exhausted from the struggle and need to rest,... but the only way to rest is to die,...

Please someone help me to die,....