Planning for the winter isolation

I am 100% on my own now. I have noone to talk to. So I will probobly be on here rambling a couple of times a day now. This blog has now become my best friend. There is no human being to turn to anymore. This blog is it. My sounding board,... my shoulder to cry on,... the only place to get anything off my chest.

I emailed ODSP today asking them to get in touch with me as I have to report/claim my insurance money. I am receiving $370.00 twice a month from the insurance company of the person who ran me over. It has been HEAVEN having a few extra dollars. But being the OCD queen that I am I have written down how much I have received as well as how much I have spent and how much I have put aaside to save. I have it down to the penny. I save most of it. I only dip into it for stuff i really need. Right now that is me starting to stockpile groceries and toiletries etc,... as winter is coming. Once the bad weather comes, I have very little chance to get out and shop. The roads aren't usually plowed enough for me to get my walker through the snow in the winter. So i try and stock up on everything I need so I won't run out until spring. Today I went to Walmart and spent another $50. I can't get a lot at one time as I have to be able to walk it home on my walker. This limits just how much I can get in one trip. So this week I have been dipping into the insurance savings and shopping. I am about three quarters done. I have enough cleaners and toiletries to last until spring now. The next month I will concentrate on food. Pantry foods I can store. I need to be prepared as I have a feeling this is going to be a bad winter. And if this Monkey Pox materializes into lockdowns ~ I need to be prepared! I'm not struggling through lockdowns like I did with covid. This time I will have everything I need right here in my apartment. I won't even need to leave my unit.

And this is all only if I am alive. I don't plan to be. But it has proven to be very difficult to get my hands on the coveted fentanyl that I need. Probobly because I am always inside my apartment. I never go out. How am I going to find fentanyl if I never leave my apartment? So i am going to have to plan a few days to just hang out downtown Fergus. If the weather is nice I can maybe even enjoy it. A day out. But the goal always is and always will be to get my hands on drugs to end my life. I am that dtermined and that desperate.

I don't plan on being around this winter,... but if I am forced to be then I want to make sure I have what I need to get through it.