I will stop at nothing to die now

I have not slept. I am a wreck. I have done everything I ould to get by in life but society put roadblock after roadblock infront of me causing me nothing but hardship over the past years. Now I have lost my income. There is nothing left.

So i have ONE plan. To die. And that is the only thing that matters to me right now. My lawyer seems to be dojng nothing. They don't know what to do and I am a very small case that they can't make money on so I'm starting to think I have been put on the back burner and ignored. I have reached out to my lawyer but only the law clerk ever gets back to me. And her response to my saying I have lost my income? "I'm sorry you are going through this,....' I was actually pissed off when I read that. At;east pick up the phone and talk to me insteead of emails. I feel like they aren't doinganything anymore so I can't count on my lawyer. He doesn't seem to know anything about ODSP. HE was the one who told me it is safe earnings I don't have to claim. Now I do,..no one is talking to me. Now that I have LOST my ODSP no one is reaching out to me. Becasue everyone knows,.... it's gone for good and I am never getting it back. You need a doctor for the forms to get ODSP back so I have no way of proving to them I need ODSP. IT IS GONE. My income is gone and that means so are my benefits - medical and dental. SOMEONE SOMEWHERE FUCKED UP and I'm paying for it by losing my incme that I can never get back now.

So last night while sleepless in bed I did nothing but think. And I know that life is only going to get worse and harder as without an income I can't pay rent and I can't eat so I WILL be homeless. i can probobly fob them off and hide in my unit for about 6 months before I am physically removed for non-payment. Then I am a 61 year old lady who is in need of a walker ~ HOMELESS. Living under a fucking bridge.

Well i will not allow that to happen as I am not physically cappable of living homeless. So the answer is DEATH. I will say it again,... I DO NOT WANT DEATH. But with the life I have it is the only alternative to pain and pvoerty and nOW homelesssness.

NOONE rang me or called me or emailed me with help. I mean the help I need now is to move in with someone who is willing to help me. And the only ones who could do that are my children. I don't have other family that will take me in. JUST MY CHILDREN. but we all know they hate me so this will never happen. My children don't care if I rot under a bridge.

So I am back to killing myself. THIS is the only answer. I refuse to live as a disabled person HOMELESS. To me this is cruel and inhumane and allowing people to be homeless is DISGUSTING. But just look how easy it can happen. It has happened to me before and now it is happening to me again. The first time it happened I had a car. My saviour. But this time I only have my non-wrokng legs and a walker. So to me the ONLY anser is death.

IF you have not got an answer to help me then for fucks sake please don't call the police or you will be sentencing me to 20 years of homnelessness as a dsabled person. THAT is a cruel and inhumane life I refuse to live. So i am choosing death to avoid it. This week I have made plans,... and this time,... I have no coice but to carry through with them as I refuse to be a disabled HOMELESS person. I've been homeless and once you are you are nothing but a nuisance to the rest of society and they HATE you. You can't find a place to stay as the cops keep "moving you along,...: but as much as I would like to be,... I can't make myself INVISABBLE so as not to be seen and upset the Happy Shiny People. instead of sympathyzing with me and helping me,.... they give you dirty looks like you are a dirty leper and move you on,... so they don't have to look at you.

Fentenyl is the answer and I will not rest until I have found it,.... ingested it and have died.

FUCK YOU ONTARIO CANADA - Fuck you!!!!!!!! You don't care about your people. Don't even pretend you do as I ended up HOMELESS under your care,...

FUCK YOU

I will stop at nothing to die now.

I am completely and udderly DEVASTED right now. Becasue I realize this is the real deal,... I am ending my life. By next week Jacquie Rose Holyoak will be nothing but a memory,.....

If anyone can save me ~ NOW would be the time,…