I woke up feeling good. This hasn't been the case in a very long time. I think having that "ceremony" or "meditation" or whatever it was yesterday was exactly what I needed to purge all the stress and anxiety I was carrying. With my coffee in hand I stepped outside my door and looked out the window. There were two of the "good ol' boys" sitting in the gazebo. Before yesterday I would be thinking how they dont like me and what on earth did darren tell them? But today? I don't care. I look at them and I actually feel sorry for them. They have been manipulated by a 5 foot 1 - 100 lb - little man. And they don't even realize it. I actually looked at them and kind of smiled. I have obviously let it all go now. You want to follow the likes of darren,... go ahead,... but this I have to say. He treated me this way,... he treated every other friend he ever had this way,... so one day he WILL treat YOU this way. And your going to look back and remember my conversation with you and go "... Oh,... thats what she meant...." and then you can be prepared for warfare against you. I will only sit back - with popcorn - and watch. These people mean nothing to me anymore. if i'm a leper here,.. so be it,... i'm a leper. With these people being the ones blanking me?? It doens't bother me one iota. Letting go has shown me how toxic these people are and that I am well off without them. 

The weather is nice out today. The last of the warmer weather. i would love to go out for a long walk to enjoy it but my body just doens't seem to be co-operating today. very stiff and creaky and sore. I was going to have a hot shower but the water here won't get hot! I ran it for about 5 minutes and it only ever gets luke warm. Yeah! another problem from Ontario Housing. This means i have to fill out forms,... get someone in,... pain in my backside,.... But you got to do what you got to do.

I've been thinking of Christmas Day. I definitely will NOT be celebrating this year. So I have been thinking of something I can do just for myself to look forward to on that day. Boxing day is great because traditionally there are LOADS of soccer games being played. But the 25th? no games. So I will have to think of something else. Movie day? That sounds boring for someone stuck in the house watching tv all day already. I don't know yet. But I think I do have to make some concrete plans so that I don't feel that emptiness and unwanted feeling again on the day. I need to make a distraction. Something that says I know everyone else in the world is sitting with their families opening presents and then spending the day together but I am not,... Anyway,... I have some time to think about it.