I'm done with this province and country ~ you dont give me MAiDs? I do it myself

I just got a call from Health Care Connect. The organization that is suppose to be connecting me with a family doctor. They call about once a year to update my profile but it never changes - YES, I still need a doctor! Today I thought she might have good news,... but no,... no good news. No doctor. Infact she said they are having difficulties getting doctors in this area. And she kept saying that she did offer me a doctor last year but I turned it down. Ummmm,.... that doctor was not even in my town and I have no car to get out of Fergus. She kept saying I know, I know you dont have transportation but we did find you a doctor and you turned us down,....

I lost my car becasue I was forced to go on ODSP which paid so little I lost my car,... NOT MY FAULT 

Now your going to make me feel guilty for saying no to a doctor I had no way to get to?????? Was I suppose to walk with a walker to another town????? No,... she kept saying it over and over. I was starting to get upset. I didn't show it,... I was all smiles and thank you thank you thank you,.... but inside I was fuming. How dare they make ME feel guilty for not accepting a doctor I have no way to get to,....

And this is my life all over. Hitting walls,... hearing no,... no,.... no,... I just can't take being so fucking worthless and invisable.

I just want out now. DEAD. Anyway I can. I was hoping for MAids but they won't even talk to me unless - wait for it - I HAVE A FAMILY DOCTOR! Without one the answer is NO,... NO,... NO,...

And last night I lay in bed is such severe pain I decided I have hit my wall and I am done. 

Help is NOT COMING,..... I have been thrown away and left to rot in pain

I go on vacation in June and I may not even return,.... Vancouver. The home of the most drug addicts in Canada. One trip to the downtown eastside on my last day of vacation and one fatal overdose,....

Everything goes away,... the pain,... the bullying,.... the family hating me,.... it all goes away,......

I think this is my new plan

Take my vacation ~ just dont bother coming home,.....

Because there is no life for me in Fergus Ontario Canada

Infact i dont think there is any place for me,....

I am worthless and I am invisable

worthless

& 

Invisable