The thought of death is just so peaceful to me

 I have woken up a bit calmer. I think because I have made the decision and started the ball rolling. I feel such a deep exhaustion ~ a deep pain ~ that I just can't go on anymore. And making the decision to go through MAiD's has given me peace.

I know my suffering will stop soon

I love my children but they are never coming back. And them believing I am a monster is just too unbearable. So horrible I am not allowed to be part of the family - is a pain I cannot deal with. It has eaten me up inside. I go to bed every night and think about my children. I torture myself knowing they hate me.

I can't live without my children.

I can't live knowing they think I'm a monster

I feel relief having started the process to finally die,...

I am so heartbroken and in so much pain,...

How can you live in peace knowing your children think your a monster??? I can't,.... the pain of that tortures me and can no longer deal with that pain.

I am a failure

I have failed

I just need to die now

All i want to do now is die.

And the thought of death is just so peaceful to me.