I just want to die now

I am so frustrated right now. It is Monday morning. I have had a nice weekend. Infact, the weekends are the only time I am happy. And that is because on the weekend I have my cousin Brian. For companionship, (I am so fucking bored trapped inside that tiny, tiny RV!), for help getting laundry and other stuff done I have no way of doing on my own. Two days of relief from severe boredom and frustration. But now it is Monday morning again. A whole week ahead of me of nothing to do,... nothing to do,.... nothing to do,...

My blood pressure is up and down. Never good. Sometimes its only regular high but often it is dangerously high

I should be calling 911

I will not

Because health care is just too hard to get in Canada without a family doctor. I give up climbing mountains just for a 'you can only discuss one issue' visit with a nurse practioner. NO DOCTOR!!! Just bandaid care. well you can take your fucking bandaid care and shove it up your fucking ass. I'm tired and can't climb your fucking mountains to get help,.... so I give up.

I am fed up of being invisable to this country and to the world

I would rather die of a heart attack

I hate my life and I really just want to die

Sitting in a tiny 200 square foot tin can with nothing to do but watch tv is mind numbing. I am not living,.... I am just breathing.

My anxiety is out of control. I sit here feeling like I am going to have a panic attack all the time. My stomach is in knots,... my nerves are on fire,.. everything bothers me.

I just need to die!!!!!