The loss of the necklace was the last straw. I have had enough of being scammed,... buying stuff that breaks a few weeks after you use it,... my money is disappearing and stuff I buy has broken already. Back in my day,... you bought something and it lasted forever. Now the stuff I have been buying to replace everything I lost in June ~ is crap. Not well made but still pricey. A lot of what I bought was garbage and is already of no use to me. WASTED MONEY. So much wasted money,...
Because I don't have a car,... I am forced to use the internet to buy what I need. And I have found that the internet is a cesspool of scammers. I try to stick with just Amazon and Walmart as I have had better luck with these two sites. But even these have third party sellers that scam you. You have to be so careful. And even when you DO your homework and you think it's a good company - you still get scammed.
I am done relying on internet buying. I just lost $2000 and the jewellery I ordered ~ I dont even know if it's authentic. It could be garbage for all I know. If I ever do receive that necklace I will definitely get it appraised but I have a sinking feeling I chose the wrong jewellery company to deal with and the jewellery is actually just manufactured middle of the line product. I was hoping to get a unique IRISH piece of jewellery - maybe hand crafted or something ~ but instead I feel I got scammed with mediocre jewellery (what I received I can't even tell if it's real) I don't even want that other necklace now as I'm pretty sure it's just a crap piece of jewellery. My lovely idea to gift my grandchild all tainted now,... don't even want to give it to her anymore,...
I have been scammed again,...
A few weeks ago, I bought a second portable heater as my apartment is so cold. It came - I plugged it in - it worked 4 times and then died. USELESS now. It was only $40 but forty dollars is forty dollars,.... gone. And returning anything to Amazon just isnt' worth it as I have to find a UPS store and that cost taxi money. So it's not worth it to send anything back. Just shit out of luck,.... again,....
The problem is I can't get out to a store to shop in person for what I need. I would have loved to have been able to GO OUT to a jewellery store and pick out a piece that way. But with no car and this town being so small we have no buses and ONE taxi for the whole town. I never take it as it takes about 45 minutes wait each time. I also need to go to Guelph or a bigger city and theres no way to get to them.
So I am forced to rely on internet buying. Even for groceries. I hate it. I will stop buying off of the internet now. Only using it for groceries and stuff that can't come broken (like cat food and toiletries) but never anything electronic anymore.
The world is full of garbage products. There doesn't seem to be any company pride anymore. Just make it quickly and cheaply,... sell it and then walk away,.... let the consumer deal with the loss.
So,... I can't get out of my apartment anymore and have turned into a recluse that stays inside 24/7 bored out of my mind and dealing with a bad case of cabin fever. I am going INSANE with not getting out!
No car,... no transportation,... no means of going anywhere unless I can walk there. And in the winter - I can't walk anywhere as the walker won't get through the snow,... so every winter I am TRAPPED inside my unit going stir crazy. I can't do it anymore,... I NEED a life.
So fuck my girls - they get nothing. I am going to go on a spending spree and blow it all. I am going to travel. I can't leave the country as I can't get a passport. I am really annoyed at this as I deserve to travel just as much as anyone else. WHY can't I get a passport just because I dont' know some high ranking person to sign for me? NOT FAIR.
So I will travel in Canada. I plan on getting hotels in different cities and just spending a week here and a week there until the money is gone. And once the money is gone,... I disappaapear too.
No will,... no executor,... which would cost me about $10,000 to do. Spend that kind of money just to ensure your children don't get anything??? WASTE. Instead I will just spend the money before I go. NOONE gets the money. I get the money to travel.
I was going to give it to my granddaughter but I just spent Christmas alone. WHY should I give them anything?????? I tried to give the money to my grandchild but I dont even know her full name or date of birth,... noone told me. To this day,... I was never even told she was born,... So I can't even put her in a will,...
I know people from their camp read this blog. So someone knew I needed this info to gift my grandchild but noone came forward with it. So they don't care. They never did. If someone had given me this information I WOULD have put her in the will and given her everything. But I don't even know my grandchilds details to do that,.... so sad,.... they are protecting her FROM ME so well I can't even know her name or date of birth. All they had to do was eamil or message me the info,.... they didn't
Their loss,....
Now I travel,... blow all the money which won't take long as travel is very expensive. I bet I do 3 trips before it's all gone.
My trips cost twice as much as other travellers as I don't have a car and have to travel by taxi. THAT will be so expensive. I have looked into Victoria BC,... Niagara Falls,... Banff Alberta,... but travel with no car is a problem. But I don't care,... it's only money,... lets just blow it all so it's all gone when I die.
FUCK my family - I just spent Christmas ALONE. I am going to be honest and say "I dont' even know exactly what I have done" other than live in survival mode in BC homeless while they just judged me for how I behaved while surviving,... I offended them some how,...
But lets look at the bottom line. I WAS HOMELESS IN BC and instead of help - they judged me. Thats not love,... thats not even like. That proved they just dont want me and this was the best excuse to dump me. So I am dumped,.... but what did I really do that actually deserved that punishment? To never see my grandchildren???? No,.... they just don't like me or want me and this is a great way to dump me.
So I dont even want my children back. they have hurt me beyond repair and I dont' even like them right now.
As far as I am concerned at this point in time,... my girls hate me so I walk away - COMPLETLY. I will never see them ever again and I dont even care,...
You can't hurt someone that bad and not expect them to walk away.
My family DISOWNED me which is WHY I went to BC,... and then they turn around and get mad at me for going? (Is that why they were mad?) Well you can't have it both way. You disown someone - you can't get mad when they leave the province forever. THEY hurt me so bad I had to leave to get away. And then they turned around and get mad a me. So i don't know what they want or how to please them,...
If this isnt' what they think,... I'm sorry. But noone will talk to me so I have no clue why they are all so mad. I am mentally ill. Not a murderer,... if they can't put their hard feelings aside even when I was homeless and needed help,... then they never wanted to in the first place. A very hard realization but now that I know,... I KNOW! I walk away knowing I TRIED but they didn't want me. But I TRIED!
So I leave my girls in the will. But all they get is my debt to pay,...
You had your chance to extend the olive branch but you instead thought I was too horrible. I was so horrible to you girls you couldn't find it in your heart to even talk to me about it. You wouldn't take my phone calls,... only texts which were all misconstrued,.... You judged,... and walked away. I had no say in it. I was never even heard,...
So I make no will. Save that $5000.00 to $10,000 dollar expense (because I needed to hire an executor) and travel instead. BLOW every penny so it's gone. And my daughters will have to come into my apartment and dismantle what is left of my life,... which was barely anything.
WHY would I reward someone who couldn't even help me when I was homeless. They insteaad were mad that I said if I can't find a place to live I will take a fentanyl overdose and die instead. I am not sure but I think THIS is what pissed them off. But hey,... when you are desperate - homeless and desperate - social graces aren't on the top of your list of things to remember. I was in survival mode and concentrating on surviving and finding a home.
MY fmaily insteaad of sympathy - thought it looked good on me and judged instead. THAT is NOT family,... so I DUMP THEM NOW.
Fuck you - you are NOT my family. Just two girls who listened to others and never even gave me a real chance. YOUR LOSS.
So Banff,... BC,... Ontario,... here I come. I plan on blowing every last penny and ENJOY my last year of life.
Family is not the be all - end all. A very hard lesson I learned. Family are the people who care when you are in trouble (Trish, Shela and Brian and the others ~ but NOT my family) My daughters and my brother and his princess wife mean nothing to me now. When you are hurt that bad - you harden. And they no longer hold a place in my heart anymore.
Now I know I am entirely on my own. Now I lvie for ME. I will take vacations and then when the money is gone - I disappear. And my cremation and burial are already bought and paid for. If i had left that for my daughters ot do,... i would end up cremated sitting in the back of someones closet somewhere becasue they don't care about me at all. They just want me gone and out of theri lives. So if I hadn't made my own end fof life plans - I would end up in a closet - forgotten about forever,...
I no longer have family. I waited but they are not going to let me in so i now walk away knowing I TRIED but was rejected so they have no say in what I do from here on in.
This can all change - but it wont' becasue they hate me!!
Well I refuse to feel bad anymore. I feel I am a good person. I am mentally ill - NOT a monster!!!! If they don't agree, then thats their problem. But I walk away knowing I did what I could but was rejected over and over again. A person can only take so much before they have to completely disown THEM.
I was a GOOD mother for those first years,.... fuck them for saying different,... I never even rasied my voice to those girls - ever - but apparently I'm a monster,....
So roll on spring as I have very itchy feet to travel. It will be hard as I don't even have the use of my hands right now,... but I - as I always have to - will make do.
I don't plan on living much longer. But I do plan of enjoying every minute that I do until the money runs out and I end it,...
This is not the life I planned or wanted. But it's the one dealt to me so I have to make it the best I can.
So my new years resolution is to discard my daughters forever and start enjoying travel. And then once the money is gone? I disappear,...
I no longer pine for people who never even wanted me in the first place,...
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