When you basically lose all self respect and go onto Facebook and make a post like this:
I am going to die because I can't find transportation or a doctor! Can't get health care until I get to Service Ontario to reinstate my OHIP but I cant get there as I'm too weak now and the weather wont allow me to walk. I am going to die because I am invisable to this world. My blood pressure is always high now. I AM DYING and need help but people just read these and think I am crazy. Look at her making a fool of herself on Facebook,... I asked the MP,... I asked 211 and health connect,... I asked and asked and asked and noone answered,.... I am invisable to this world.
**********************************************************************
I got 1 like and 1 comment (thank you Trish you were the only person in the entire world that even let me know you care). Instead I got dozens of the dreaded pop-up "are you ok?"
NO - NO I am not fucking OK!!!!!!
But clicking on something that takes all of 2 seconds for you, and then you walk away and forget about me altogether? Thats not caring,... thats satisfying yourself so that you can say you helped,... Assuage the guilt of KNOWING I AM IN SERIOUS TROUBLE BUT NOT WANTING TO ACTUALLY GET INVOLVED YOURSELF. I am never good enough for anyone to actuallly reach out to me in person. I am a post on Facebook to people and that is all. So to those of you thinking you are doing something???? YOU ARE NOT!!!You didn't help at all,.... helping and caring would be to contact me to see if there was anything you could do to help. A real friend would do THAT - not click on one button and then forget about me and go on with your day.
This post left me heart-broken. I made an absolute fool of myself and yet,.... in the end I realize noone really cares. NOONE is going to reach out,... noone wants to get involved.
I AM NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR ANYONE TO CARE TO HELP
That is the message I got from that post. I don't understand. I am desperate!!! I have tried everything,... but I just can't seem to get one person to actually lift a finger to help.
I am not asking for money!!!!!!!! I think people think I am grifting for money. But let me tell you something. In the 26 years I have lived in poverty - NOT ONCE did I ever ask anyone for a penny. NOT ONCE. That isn't even what I need.
I need rides as the winter has been brutal and I can't get out. My cupboards are bare as I can't get grocery shopping done. I have about 10 errands that need doing but I can't get out.
I AM NOT ASKING FOR MONEY!
Yet ***crickets***
I have a brother who lives a 5 minute drive away - but hates me.
I have a daughter that lives 2 minutes away - but hates me.
I have no friends anymore. They got mad when i made a post saying that the middle class have it so much easier that we do and they thought I was making a dig at them,... whatever,... that just told me that they didn't want me as a friend anyway. You don't end a friendship over just one post,.... so I didn't fight it. I just disappeared from their lives.
What all this has told me is this:
I am not worth saving,...
I am not worth helping,...
I am not liked enough for people to care,...
I am a hated mentally illl monster that noone likes,...
How would you feel if you had no doctor but knew you were dying,... How would you feel if you asked for years and years and years for help but got nothing but silence. how would you feel if you were making a fool of yourself just trying to get someone to see you ~ but noone cares. They read you are dying,....
Let me write that again so we can see how bad it is,...
They read that I am dying and need help but only one friend responded. I wrote that I am dying and noone cared,....
That was soul destroying and I'm never getting over that. I was just told YOU DON'T MATTER so fend for yourself as noone is going to ever help you.
I screamed for help and got silence
How do you think that makes a person feel. I'll bet if YOU told someone you were dying EVERYONE would help you. Your family,... your frineds,.... everyone,....
When I say I'm dying noone cares,... (I dont even think they believe me)
I can't get past that. It left me feeling horrible.
I am not worth saving to this world. Noone would care if I died today,... noone would even bat an eye,...
Infact when I do have a heart attack and die,... from what I just learned ~ I think people will just be relieved
Thank God the mentally ill monster is gone,....
YAY!!!!!!!!
The perosn noone liked is GONE
And I died knowing I was hated and not worth saving,...
There is no worst feeling in the world knowing you are alone and unwanted and invisable,.....
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