My family hates that I write this blog. But this blog has gotten me through some really tough times. When my family disowned me - my readers didn't. Infact, I have 'met' some really awesome people through this blog. When I started it 17 years ago, it was all about my mental health struggles. So it attracted people with mental illness. I don't have a lot of followers as thats not what this blog is about. But the people who have followed me have been awesome and loyal.
They have been there for me when my family weren't. My family hates this blog as I write about my life. MY life. But they think I am using it as some kind of revenge thing or something. I think they believe I write just to hurt them,.... ridiculous. I dont' even think of others when I write. It is strictly whatever enters my head that is bothering me at that time. It's not my fault it's usually my family making me feel bad.
This blog is a tool to dump my feelings - that is all.
Back to the nice people,... when I was homeless my readers where the ones to help - not my family. My readers were so concerned they followed my 'adventure' and didn't exhale until I was safely home in Ontario with a roof over my head. I got so many "I'm so glad your ok" messages from my readers. From my family I got "Fuck off you should have stayed in BC"
So,... with that I choose to cut my family off forever. They showed me in no uncertain terms they didn't care - they hated. So good riddence to them,...
It was my readers who cared - and a few loyal friends - not my family.
Yesterday I got an email from a women from the States who has been in contact a few times over the years. She lost my phone number when I changed it to move to BC. But she finally found my email and got in touch. It just blows my mind that strnagers care what happens to me and go out of their way to track me down to ensure my safety,... yet my family wishes I had just disappeared forever,...
So Family,... THAT is why I continue to write in this blog. Because even though you guys all read it and condemn every word I write? The rest of the world sees me as a HUMAN BEING! And that is why I continue to write in this blog. It reminds me that only my family and the folk in this building dont' like me. My readers remind me that not everyone thinks I'm a monster. Infact,... some people actually believe I am worth it and deserve it,...
My readers are the ones who have encouraged me to keep going. My readers are the ones who contact me with suggestions and kind words. My family just reads and hates,...
So I have to say,... THANK YOU to my readers who have reached out. There have been times I have been so low and someone has reached out to let me know I am NOT the monster my family thinks I am. And this has been what keeps me going.
And getting this email from Linda in the States yesterday telling me how worried she has been not being able to reach me,... has reminded me that people do care. And I need to hear that as my family continues to tell me otherwise. My family at this point are casuing me to spiral,.... as a person with mental illness - this is not healthy. So I have decided to cut them out completely and start a life for just ME.
If you like me - great - I appreciate that. But if you dont' - I just don't care anymore. I am moving forward not caring about the Tonyas and the Darrens,... who the fuck are they anyway? Nope,... from now on I live for ME. The haters can hate - I just don't care anymore. I am not going to lose sleep over what peopole think of me anymore.
It's funny but I can feel a shift in my whole being right now. It's like I have woken up. I can see everyone for who they really are,... and knowing that just lets me see that their opinion just doesn't matter to me anymore. So what if the people in this building hate me - I will go elsewhere for my enjoyment. I will travel,... I will do my own thing.
I am suddenly feeling so much stronger. And more confident. And more importantly - I feel like I can make a future for myself again. But I do it MY way this time. And I just laugh at the gossips and the liars and the folk who have nothing better to do than hurt others,... becasue now I see them clearly. LOSERS.
So roll on 2026,... I have a newfound optimism and just want to start this year happy.
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