Friday, May 30, 2025

I think I've run into trouble

It is the evening of day 6. My time here has been perfect. This place is everything I have dreamed of ~ and more. But today,... things changed. Now, I am in turmoil. I finally went out to look into the trailer that I will be living in. I can't,... I just can't,... there is a mouse and rat infestation in there!! At first I thought it would be fine as I have OCD. I've never been afraid of a good deep clean. A good scrub and bleach and it will be great. 

But then I started looking up how to clean up mouse droppings safely and now I am scared to death. It causes hantavirus. From what I saw in that trailer they are in the trailer, under the trailer,... and the droppings are EVERYWHERE. I'm starting to see that it isn't SAFE for me to clean this much of an infestation. She is using poison and thinks that will clear it all up and then we just clean. But I thought I could just sweep it all up but after reading medical articles that will cause this hantavirus. And it's a pretty serious sounding disease.

I don't know what to do!??

Dianne has been so kind in every other area. I think she really does just believe the trailer is dirty and needs a clean. I dont' believe she tried to dupe me or anything. But I can't live in that trailer ~ EVER! Even if it is exterminated (which I have looked into) they will need to do it twice for something with this much of an infestation.

I don't know what to do!? 

But my OCD will NEVER allow me to live in that trailer ~ ever.

I am going to talk to her but it is a really bad time. She is napping and now and tomorrow morning driving to Alberta. I don't want to piss her off or upset her before she has to make this huge drive. But on the other hand ~ I am freaking out!!! I am poor! I can't just go find other accomodation. And I don't want to alienate our friendship. 

I don't know what to do!?

This is the only time I wish I was a millionaire. Then I could just FINALLY buy my OWN place and never have to live off the mercy of others again. 

I have to say that when I first looked in that trailer there was mouse droppings everywhere. My 'finally getting a better life" bubble burst into a million pieces. My life is fragmenting again. I had no other choice but to come here,.... and she is the only person who cared enough to give me a home. But this home? (the trailer) I am so freaked out I just want to go back to my "lower East Side" and the fentanyl OD plan again. Afterall,... now it's just a ferry ride away. Why do things like this keep happening to me? I'm getting old now and I just can't take the problems anymore.

What the fuck do I do now?????




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